Melancholic Derivations

March 31, 2008

Invisible Wall

The wall, the wall, it seals itself
Clamming up all Hope, Closing up all Fate
Glances exchanged, confessions made
Yet still, all is but a melancholy arcade.

Will we see the end thus far?
Pray tell, pray tell
For uncertainty and darkness cloud
Even Light which invades only blinds
Seek and ye shall find, seek and ye shall find?

Things to be said, whispered fables in ears
All but facades of what might be, never to be materialised
Afforded care and special treatments
Are but special in the eye of the beholder.

Oh what despondency, this wall.
This invisible wall, which destroys our Hopes and Fate.
This invisible wall, which crushes all Dreams.
This invisible wall, which is but artificially made.

Labels: Melancholic

Traveller fell apart at 1:48 AM

September 08, 2007

Grey Stasis

Have I still got you to be my open door? I assume not.

Damien Rice - Grey Room

Well I've been here before, I've sat on the floor, in a grey grey room.
Where I stay in all day, I don't eat, but I play, with this grey grey food.
Desolate. If someone is prayin', then I might break out.
Desolate. Even if I scream, I can't scream that loud.
I'm all alone again, crawling back home again, just stuck by the phone again.

Yeah, well I've been here before, sat on a floor, in a grey grey mood.
Where I stay up all night, and all that I write, is a grey grey tune.
So pray for me child. Just for a while. And I might break out, yeah.
Pray for me child, even a smile, would do for now.
So I'm all alone again, crawling back home again, just stuck by the phone again.

Have I still got you to be my open door?
Have I still got you to be my sandy shore?
Have I still got you to cross my bridge in this storm?
Have I still got you to keep me warm?

Coz if I squeeze my grape, and I drink my wine yeah.
Coz if I squeeze my grape, and I drink my wine yeah.
Yeah, oh 'coz nothing is lost, this is frozen in frost.
And it's opening time, and there's no-one in line.

But I've still got me to be your open door,
I've still got me to be your sandy shore,
I've still got me to cross your bridge in this storm,
And I've still got me to keep you warm,

Warmer than warm yeah, Warmer than warm yeah,
Warmer than warm yeah, Warmer than warm yeah.

Just 2 months to go before I'm back in sunny Singapore. There's apprehension and excitement all at the same time. Not an unfamiliar feeling, but unhealthily familiar.

Labels: Melancholic, Songs

Traveller fell apart at 2:40 PM

August 30, 2007

I Remember

I remember the day so clearly, it was those crippling words which bore a hole through my soul. They cut into me like a knife through butter, crippling what was already a jaded spirit.

I remember it well, the first time I saw
Your head round the door
Cause mine stopped working
I remember it well, there was wet in your hair
I was stood in the stair
And time stopped moving

There were occasions where I'd wanted you back, where I thought that I couldn't live without you. There were nights when I'd replay all the memories in my head for the 'high' that I'd usually get. And I'd smile myself to bed, hoping in some sick way that time would stand still.

Want you here tonight, want you here
Cause I can't believe what I found
Want you here tonight, want you here
Nothing is taking me down, down, down.

Nights where we ran through the mild spring rains to my car after a late night movie, or the quiet moments we shared by the river sharing our hopes and fears. I recall the times I sat and watched you study, marveled by the person who was sitting right next to me. Wondering if there was anyone else besides me, wondering where I was in your priority line.

I remember it well, taxied out of a storm.
To watch you perform
And my ships were sailing
I remember it well, I was stood in your line
And your mouth, your mouth, your mind.

I'd really wished things didn't have to end this way, to come to such an abrupt end that night. Maybe it was wishful thinking on my part, perhaps I was too naive to believe such a tragedy could have been averted. And most nights I prayed:

Want you here tonight, want you here
Cause I can't believe what I found
Want you here tonight, want you here
Nothing is taking me down, down, down
Except you my love.
Except you my love.

After all these years, however, I've come to a realisation and epiphany. And these following lyrics are for you. Because they perfectly encapsulate what I'd want to say if I ever saw you again.

Come all ye lost, and dive into moss
And I hope, that my sanity covers the cost
To remove the stain of my love
Paper mache.

Oooh, come all ye reborn
Blow off my horn
I'm driving real hard
This is love, this is scorn
God would forgive me
But I whip myself in scorn. Scorn.

I wanna hear what you have to say about me
Hear if you're gonna live without me
I wanna hear what you want
I remember December.

Labels: Melancholic

Traveller fell apart at 3:25 AM

May 10, 2007

Dead Inside

Splender - I Think God Can Explain

There's a lot of things I understand
And there's a lot of things that I don't want to know
But you're the only face I recognize
It's so damn sweet of you to look me in the eyes

It's alright, I'm okay
I think God can explain
I believe I'm the same
I get carried away
It's alright, I'm okay
I think God can explain
I'm relieved, I'm relaxed
I'll get over it, yeah

The scent of vaseline in the summertime
The feel of an ice cube melting over time
The world seems bigger than both of us
Yet it seems so small when I begin to cry

It's alright, I'm ok
I think God can explain
I believe I'm the same
I get carried away
It's alright, I'm ok
I think God can explain
I'm relieved, I'm relaxed
I'll get over it, yeah

I'm so much better than you guessed
I'm so much bigger than you guessed
I'm so much brighter than you guessed

It's alright, I'm ok
I think God can explain
I believe I'm the same
I get carried away
It's alright, I'm ok
I think God can explain
I'm relieved, I'm relaxed
I'll get off of your back

I think God can explain, I think God can explain
I think God can explain

I think the key to dealing with such situations is trust in His unfailing Will. It is a hard thing to grasp given the finite-ness of our minds and understanding but then again, faith was never an easy journey to begin with. I'm trying to take it in my stride and I'm praying fervently for release and relief, and I'm also beseeching God for my path in life, for my plans whatever they may be. I really hope He will show me what He has planned for me.

Labels: Melancholic, Thoughts

Traveller fell apart at 9:24 PM

Closing Doors

He twitched, gingerly opening his eyes to the glaring light. Rubbing his eyes slowly, he sat up and took note of his surroundings. Cool air, sweet smell of dew, birds singing in the trees; it was everything you might have hoped to wake up to. He stirred, rustling the pile of dead leaves as he got up to explore his surroundings. Where was this place? It felt so serene and yet, underlying it all, was a feeling of dread; like it was all a facade.

Then he woke. To the darkness of his old shed. To the musty smell of old newspapers flung around the room, evidence of his tardiness. It was all a sham, something he knew was too good to be true. Somehow the light he saw and the beauty he experienced was always going to be too good for him. It was his destiny in life never to know happiness and the dream was merely sick taunting from the corner of his consciousness, as if cruelly reminding him of his eternal melancholy. It was always going to be a case of chasing shadows in the wind, or was it?

The door had been left ajar, leaving light streaming in from the sun outside. As he walked over to investigate, he felt a cool breeze filter into the room, reminiscent of what he'd experienced in the dream. Could it be that there was happiness behind the door? If he'd only open it wide and take it all in? He heard voices calling out to him from the fence outside, as if gesturing for him to follow his heart and to embrace the Light outside. He smiled wryly, as if making a motion to do so.

Then he stopped. Taking a padlock, he bolted it shut, making sure that never again would he believe that he'd ever be happy. Then he sank to the floor slowly, and wept.

"They say love hurts, I wrote that book."

Labels: Melancholic

Traveller fell apart at 1:01 AM

March 19, 2007

Unreachable Heights

The pale moonlight runneth deep,
Casting shadows upon thine stony creek.
Yet shadows not they be,
For ghosts of pasts forgotten,
Love the darkness and the negligence.
Thine own failure, thine must pay.
Yet thy own failure, forgiven may.
Lacking strength or courage thus,
Entrust. Entrust.
Slipping into hatred now,
Shalt God save us as he save thou?
O, foolish mortals yet
Look not beyond this set.
For the world's a stage and we, merely players.
Players though we may be
But a winner we shalt never see.
Save God. Save God.
And leave Him to His judgement seat.

Amen.

Labels: Melancholic

Traveller fell apart at 1:41 AM

February 22, 2007

360 Turnaround

I think the title aptly describes a possible scenario which may greet me at the end of this year. Coming back to foreign surroundings in Singapore and not recognising things which made me comfortable, which were representations of my childhood. How do you say goodbye to a house you spent your entire conscious life in? How do you spend the last night in an embodiment of your memories? I'm feeling lost suddenly, stuck in a quagmire of emotions which resurfaced on the eve of my departure from Singapore. To say that it is just a house simplifies the experiences I've had in this place, cheapens the entire richness of my lively childhood. It is sad, but yet, the going of the old heralds new beginnings. By the time I return to Singapore this November, this place will be a pile of rubble and I will be trying to get accustomed to new surroundings. It is a daunting thought, but not something I haven't faced before.

I went to visit Grandma today as I've been doing for the past few years whenever I'm about to leave. Although it was good seeing her as it always has been for the past 24 years, a tinge of sadness gripped me when I realised she could no longer remember me. I wonder really, whether our memories are truly erased when old and demented, or are they stored somewhere else where we find it impossible to reach? Grandma's recent illness has caused me to rethink life itself; the fragility, the unpredictability of it all. It scares me. I remember when I returned in November, she was there to greet me as always and to cook my favourite baked beans in minced meat. And in a flash, she's deteriorated drastically with the culmination of it being today when she couldn't remember me. There must be more to life than material possessions and prestige. After all, what use is all that money when your health can be taken away in an instant? I really hope Grandma's still lucid and coherent when I return but at this point, its a faint hope that I'm not willing to place much emotions on. Simply because I am preparing myself for the worst.

There's always a myriad of emotions when I'm about to depart and even though this is the 4th time, it's no different. Fear, worry, apprehension all jump into the mix; leaving me in a mess emotionally as I'm about to embark on my final year.

I really hope everything turns out okay. See you in November.

Labels: Melancholic

Traveller fell apart at 12:12 AM

January 06, 2007

Masked Betrayal

As human beings, it is normal to crave righteousness, to know that we're in the right and that everyone else who doesn't agree is in the wrong. Essentially, throughout the history of Man, it has been a struggle against the 'others' who quite simply, don't agree with our point of view. Because they don't, they are the enemy and must most certainly be wrong. I am no exception then; I am merely a man who craves that jubilation when proven right, when a speculation I've had for a long time turns out to be in my favour. I really love that feeling of being proven right, but in this case, I wish I was so wrong.

Betrayal is another aspect in life which everyone must learn to deal with. Everyone betrays somebody's trust some time, it is an unavoidable and yet, pervasive moot point in life. But often, it is not acquaintances or hi-bye friends who go through with the betrayal. What makes betrayal garner its insidious and dark meaning is the fact that it most usually stems from someone whom we love and trust. Sadly, it is the people whom we often expect not to betray who do so. It is an issue I've been learning to cope with, to swallow and take in my stride. But it is hard, it is a difficult pill to swallow, not bitter but oh, so poisonous. But I've done it. I've wrestled with myself all night and managed to force it down my throat knowing though, that its yet another stain on my soul... another poison that's been introduced into my already tainted fabric of reality.

I'm disappointed and hurt but it'll pass like so many other things in life. It's just that things like these that happen show me why it is important to choose your friends and the ones you love wisely.

"Transgression forms an everyday part of our life. What defines us is how we deal with them."

Labels: Melancholic, Thoughts

Traveller fell apart at 12:13 PM

January 01, 2007

New Year Blues

It was a pretty interesting New Year party which was spent with the OCFers. Food, drinks and plenty of camaraderie seemed to temporarily mask the troubled thoughts I've been having in recent times. Perhaps it's a tad bit too melodramatic to classify the thoughts I've been having as troubling, quite simply because they don't affect me in terms of physical, mental or spiritual health. But it's just that nagging, ankle-biting feeling that won't go away and seems to haunt me when I let my guard down. Just for that one second.

It gets weird when you stumble upon a party with 6 other couples and you. The sudden realisation leaves you wondering when that proverbial 'One' will come along to light your emotional path for the next 50 years. For some, it's a dreamy affair, one that pleases them as they daydream about their future partner. For others, it's more like a nightmare which haunts them in every waking moment. I would say I'm somewhere in the middle at present; but it's at occasions like these which exacerbate the effect tremendously.

And it was right at that moment during the night that this song played on the speakers, compounding the effect.

Coldplay - Fix You

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Will anyone ever fix me?

Labels: Life In General, Melancholic

Traveller fell apart at 6:27 AM

October 19, 2006

I Ache

Perhaps I'm just that sort of person who will never be able to hold down a steady relationship. Because when push comes to shove, I've never managed to make someone I love feel secure, loved and protected. We are all shaped by our experiences as children and adolescents, and perhaps that's what's made me what I am. Sadly, I probably will never afford someone the love and kind of attention they would want from a lover. And that is why, today, I finally see the reason I'm alone.

It's because I've never been there for anyone.

James Carrington - Ache

Isn't it strange the way things can change
The life that you lead turned on its head
Suddenly someone means more than you felt before
Her house and its yard turns into home

I'm sorry but I meant to say
Many things along the way
So this one's for you

Have I told you I ache?
Have I told you I ache?
Have I told you I ache for you?
Have I told you I ache?

The time that it took writing words for my book
Seems to have broken in half
The gate that I shut last time I got hurt
Seems to have opened itself

Oh the world its spinning now its trying to catch me up
And tell me to appreciate the here and now

I'm sorry but i meant to say
Many things along the way
So this one's for you

Have I told you I ache?
Have I told you I ache?
Have I told you I ache for you?
Have I told you I ache?
Have I told you I ache and I hope it's not too late.
Can I hold you and ache for you?

Living life alone isn't called loneliness, it's called fear. Fear which prevents all other form of attachment.

Labels: Melancholic

Traveller fell apart at 1:58 PM


	Now Spinning Heroes Theme - Heroes Soundtrack The Protagonist joel \| content \| driven \| focused \| motive-oriented \| cynical \| analytical \| God-fearing \| jaded \| Frequent Reads Ben Christie Christine Davina Eugene Jasmine Jeremy Jo-ann Kay-Lene Mac Tammy Vivek Past Rants January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 Tap My Shoulder		March 31, 2008 Invisible Wall The wall, the wall, it seals itself Clamming up all Hope, Closing up all Fate Glances exchanged, confessions made Yet still, all is but a melancholy arcade. Will we see the end thus far? Pray tell, pray tell For uncertainty and darkness cloud Even Light which invades only blinds Seek and ye shall find, seek and ye shall find? Things to be said, whispered fables in ears All but facades of what might be, never to be materialised Afforded care and special treatments Are but special in the eye of the beholder. Oh what despondency, this wall. This invisible wall, which destroys our Hopes and Fate. This invisible wall, which crushes all Dreams. This invisible wall, which is but artificially made. Labels: Melancholic Traveller fell apart at 1:48 AM September 08, 2007 Grey Stasis Have I still got you to be my open door? I assume not. Damien Rice - Grey Room Well I've been here before, I've sat on the floor, in a grey grey room. Where I stay in all day, I don't eat, but I play, with this grey grey food. Desolate. If someone is prayin', then I might break out. Desolate. Even if I scream, I can't scream that loud. I'm all alone again, crawling back home again, just stuck by the phone again. Yeah, well I've been here before, sat on a floor, in a grey grey mood. Where I stay up all night, and all that I write, is a grey grey tune. So pray for me child. Just for a while. And I might break out, yeah. Pray for me child, even a smile, would do for now. So I'm all alone again, crawling back home again, just stuck by the phone again. Have I still got you to be my open door? Have I still got you to be my sandy shore? Have I still got you to cross my bridge in this storm? Have I still got you to keep me warm? Coz if I squeeze my grape, and I drink my wine yeah. Coz if I squeeze my grape, and I drink my wine yeah. Yeah, oh 'coz nothing is lost, this is frozen in frost. And it's opening time, and there's no-one in line. But I've still got me to be your open door, I've still got me to be your sandy shore, I've still got me to cross your bridge in this storm, And I've still got me to keep you warm, Warmer than warm yeah, Warmer than warm yeah, Warmer than warm yeah, Warmer than warm yeah. Just 2 months to go before I'm back in sunny Singapore. There's apprehension and excitement all at the same time. Not an unfamiliar feeling, but unhealthily familiar. Labels: Melancholic, Songs Traveller fell apart at 2:40 PM August 30, 2007 I Remember I remember the day so clearly, it was those crippling words which bore a hole through my soul. They cut into me like a knife through butter, crippling what was already a jaded spirit. I remember it well, the first time I saw Your head round the door Cause mine stopped working I remember it well, there was wet in your hair I was stood in the stair And time stopped moving There were occasions where I'd wanted you back, where I thought that I couldn't live without you. There were nights when I'd replay all the memories in my head for the 'high' that I'd usually get. And I'd smile myself to bed, hoping in some sick way that time would stand still. Want you here tonight, want you here Cause I can't believe what I found Want you here tonight, want you here Nothing is taking me down, down, down. Nights where we ran through the mild spring rains to my car after a late night movie, or the quiet moments we shared by the river sharing our hopes and fears. I recall the times I sat and watched you study, marveled by the person who was sitting right next to me. Wondering if there was anyone else besides me, wondering where I was in your priority line. I remember it well, taxied out of a storm. To watch you perform And my ships were sailing I remember it well, I was stood in your line And your mouth, your mouth, your mind. I'd really wished things didn't have to end this way, to come to such an abrupt end that night. Maybe it was wishful thinking on my part, perhaps I was too naive to believe such a tragedy could have been averted. And most nights I prayed: Want you here tonight, want you here Cause I can't believe what I found Want you here tonight, want you here Nothing is taking me down, down, down Except you my love. Except you my love. After all these years, however, I've come to a realisation and epiphany. And these following lyrics are for you. Because they perfectly encapsulate what I'd want to say if I ever saw you again. Come all ye lost, and dive into moss And I hope, that my sanity covers the cost To remove the stain of my love Paper mache. Oooh, come all ye reborn Blow off my horn I'm driving real hard This is love, this is scorn God would forgive me But I whip myself in scorn. Scorn. I wanna hear what you have to say about me Hear if you're gonna live without me I wanna hear what you want I remember December. Labels: Melancholic Traveller fell apart at 3:25 AM May 10, 2007 Dead Inside Splender - I Think God Can Explain There's a lot of things I understand And there's a lot of things that I don't want to know But you're the only face I recognize It's so damn sweet of you to look me in the eyes It's alright, I'm okay I think God can explain I believe I'm the same I get carried away It's alright, I'm okay I think God can explain I'm relieved, I'm relaxed I'll get over it, yeah The scent of vaseline in the summertime The feel of an ice cube melting over time The world seems bigger than both of us Yet it seems so small when I begin to cry It's alright, I'm ok I think God can explain I believe I'm the same I get carried away It's alright, I'm ok I think God can explain I'm relieved, I'm relaxed I'll get over it, yeah I'm so much better than you guessed I'm so much bigger than you guessed I'm so much brighter than you guessed It's alright, I'm ok I think God can explain I believe I'm the same I get carried away It's alright, I'm ok I think God can explain I'm relieved, I'm relaxed I'll get off of your back I think God can explain, I think God can explain I think God can explain I think the key to dealing with such situations is trust in His unfailing Will. It is a hard thing to grasp given the finite-ness of our minds and understanding but then again, faith was never an easy journey to begin with. I'm trying to take it in my stride and I'm praying fervently for release and relief, and I'm also beseeching God for my path in life, for my plans whatever they may be. I really hope He will show me what He has planned for me. Labels: Melancholic, Thoughts Traveller fell apart at 9:24 PM Closing Doors He twitched, gingerly opening his eyes to the glaring light. Rubbing his eyes slowly, he sat up and took note of his surroundings. Cool air, sweet smell of dew, birds singing in the trees; it was everything you might have hoped to wake up to. He stirred, rustling the pile of dead leaves as he got up to explore his surroundings. Where was this place? It felt so serene and yet, underlying it all, was a feeling of dread; like it was all a facade. Then he woke. To the darkness of his old shed. To the musty smell of old newspapers flung around the room, evidence of his tardiness. It was all a sham, something he knew was too good to be true. Somehow the light he saw and the beauty he experienced was always going to be too good for him. It was his destiny in life never to know happiness and the dream was merely sick taunting from the corner of his consciousness, as if cruelly reminding him of his eternal melancholy. It was always going to be a case of chasing shadows in the wind, or was it? The door had been left ajar, leaving light streaming in from the sun outside. As he walked over to investigate, he felt a cool breeze filter into the room, reminiscent of what he'd experienced in the dream. Could it be that there was happiness behind the door? If he'd only open it wide and take it all in? He heard voices calling out to him from the fence outside, as if gesturing for him to follow his heart and to embrace the Light outside. He smiled wryly, as if making a motion to do so. Then he stopped. Taking a padlock, he bolted it shut, making sure that never again would he believe that he'd ever be happy. Then he sank to the floor slowly, and wept. "They say love hurts, I wrote that book." Labels: Melancholic Traveller fell apart at 1:01 AM March 19, 2007 Unreachable Heights The pale moonlight runneth deep, Casting shadows upon thine stony creek. Yet shadows not they be, For ghosts of pasts forgotten, Love the darkness and the negligence. Thine own failure, thine must pay. Yet thy own failure, forgiven may. Lacking strength or courage thus, Entrust. Entrust. Slipping into hatred now, Shalt God save us as he save thou? O, foolish mortals yet Look not beyond this set. For the world's a stage and we, merely players. Players though we may be But a winner we shalt never see. Save God. Save God. And leave Him to His judgement seat. Amen. Labels: Melancholic Traveller fell apart at 1:41 AM February 22, 2007 360 Turnaround I think the title aptly describes a possible scenario which may greet me at the end of this year. Coming back to foreign surroundings in Singapore and not recognising things which made me comfortable, which were representations of my childhood. How do you say goodbye to a house you spent your entire conscious life in? How do you spend the last night in an embodiment of your memories? I'm feeling lost suddenly, stuck in a quagmire of emotions which resurfaced on the eve of my departure from Singapore. To say that it is just a house simplifies the experiences I've had in this place, cheapens the entire richness of my lively childhood. It is sad, but yet, the going of the old heralds new beginnings. By the time I return to Singapore this November, this place will be a pile of rubble and I will be trying to get accustomed to new surroundings. It is a daunting thought, but not something I haven't faced before. I went to visit Grandma today as I've been doing for the past few years whenever I'm about to leave. Although it was good seeing her as it always has been for the past 24 years, a tinge of sadness gripped me when I realised she could no longer remember me. I wonder really, whether our memories are truly erased when old and demented, or are they stored somewhere else where we find it impossible to reach? Grandma's recent illness has caused me to rethink life itself; the fragility, the unpredictability of it all. It scares me. I remember when I returned in November, she was there to greet me as always and to cook my favourite baked beans in minced meat. And in a flash, she's deteriorated drastically with the culmination of it being today when she couldn't remember me. There must be more to life than material possessions and prestige. After all, what use is all that money when your health can be taken away in an instant? I really hope Grandma's still lucid and coherent when I return but at this point, its a faint hope that I'm not willing to place much emotions on. Simply because I am preparing myself for the worst. There's always a myriad of emotions when I'm about to depart and even though this is the 4th time, it's no different. Fear, worry, apprehension all jump into the mix; leaving me in a mess emotionally as I'm about to embark on my final year. I really hope everything turns out okay. See you in November. Labels: Melancholic Traveller fell apart at 12:12 AM January 06, 2007 Masked Betrayal As human beings, it is normal to crave righteousness, to know that we're in the right and that everyone else who doesn't agree is in the wrong. Essentially, throughout the history of Man, it has been a struggle against the 'others' who quite simply, don't agree with our point of view. Because they don't, they are the enemy and must most certainly be wrong. I am no exception then; I am merely a man who craves that jubilation when proven right, when a speculation I've had for a long time turns out to be in my favour. I really love that feeling of being proven right, but in this case, I wish I was so wrong. Betrayal is another aspect in life which everyone must learn to deal with. Everyone betrays somebody's trust some time, it is an unavoidable and yet, pervasive moot point in life. But often, it is not acquaintances or hi-bye friends who go through with the betrayal. What makes betrayal garner its insidious and dark meaning is the fact that it most usually stems from someone whom we love and trust. Sadly, it is the people whom we often expect not to betray who do so. It is an issue I've been learning to cope with, to swallow and take in my stride. But it is hard, it is a difficult pill to swallow, not bitter but oh, so poisonous. But I've done it. I've wrestled with myself all night and managed to force it down my throat knowing though, that its yet another stain on my soul... another poison that's been introduced into my already tainted fabric of reality. I'm disappointed and hurt but it'll pass like so many other things in life. It's just that things like these that happen show me why it is important to choose your friends and the ones you love wisely. "Transgression forms an everyday part of our life. What defines us is how we deal with them." Labels: Melancholic, Thoughts Traveller fell apart at 12:13 PM January 01, 2007 New Year Blues It was a pretty interesting New Year party which was spent with the OCFers. Food, drinks and plenty of camaraderie seemed to temporarily mask the troubled thoughts I've been having in recent times. Perhaps it's a tad bit too melodramatic to classify the thoughts I've been having as troubling, quite simply because they don't affect me in terms of physical, mental or spiritual health. But it's just that nagging, ankle-biting feeling that won't go away and seems to haunt me when I let my guard down. Just for that one second. It gets weird when you stumble upon a party with 6 other couples and you. The sudden realisation leaves you wondering when that proverbial 'One' will come along to light your emotional path for the next 50 years. For some, it's a dreamy affair, one that pleases them as they daydream about their future partner. For others, it's more like a nightmare which haunts them in every waking moment. I would say I'm somewhere in the middle at present; but it's at occasions like these which exacerbate the effect tremendously. And it was right at that moment during the night that this song played on the speakers, compounding the effect. Coldplay - Fix You When you try your best but you don't succeed When you get what you want but not what you need When you feel so tired but you can't sleep Stuck in reverse And the tears come streaming down your face When you lose something you can't replace When you love someone but it goes to waste Could it be worse? Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you And high up above or down below When you're too in love to let it go But if you never try you'll never know Just what you're worth Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you Tears stream down your face When you lose something you cannot replace Tears stream down your face And I Tears stream down your face I promise you I will learn from my mistakes Tears stream down your face And I Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you Will anyone ever fix me? Labels: Life In General, Melancholic Traveller fell apart at 6:27 AM October 19, 2006 I Ache Perhaps I'm just that sort of person who will never be able to hold down a steady relationship. Because when push comes to shove, I've never managed to make someone I love feel secure, loved and protected. We are all shaped by our experiences as children and adolescents, and perhaps that's what's made me what I am. Sadly, I probably will never afford someone the love and kind of attention they would want from a lover. And that is why, today, I finally see the reason I'm alone. It's because I've never been there for anyone. James Carrington - Ache Isn't it strange the way things can change The life that you lead turned on its head Suddenly someone means more than you felt before Her house and its yard turns into home I'm sorry but I meant to say Many things along the way So this one's for you Have I told you I ache? Have I told you I ache? Have I told you I ache for you? Have I told you I ache? The time that it took writing words for my book Seems to have broken in half The gate that I shut last time I got hurt Seems to have opened itself Oh the world its spinning now its trying to catch me up And tell me to appreciate the here and now I'm sorry but i meant to say Many things along the way So this one's for you Have I told you I ache? Have I told you I ache? Have I told you I ache for you? Have I told you I ache? Have I told you I ache and I hope it's not too late. Can I hold you and ache for you? Living life alone isn't called loneliness, it's called fear. Fear which prevents all other form of attachment. Labels: Melancholic Traveller fell apart at 1:58 PM