May 26, 2007

Encompassing Love

And there I was, the entire tide of the world's torrents raging against my solitary figure. It was hard not to shed a tear, hard not to buckle and succumb. And just as I felt my own strength begin to waver, a Hand propped me up from behind; not only straightening my figure but also recharging my tired disposition.

You will get through this Joel, and you will come out all the stronger.

Yes I will, Lord. Yes, I will.

Brian Littrell - Over My Head

I tried to figure it out
Time and time again and time again
I guess there’s just some things I’ll never understand
‘Cause Your ways aren’t our ways
But deep down in my soul, down in my soul
There is one thing I know that I know

I’m in over my head
Right where I wanna be
I’m so lost within Your love
The love that always covers me
So high, so deep, so wide
A strong and cleansing tide
My soul has found a place to rest
I’m in over my head

I’ve been holding on
Now I’m letting go, just letting go
Gonna let Your love carry me away

I don’t know where I’m going
But I’m surrounded by the truth
And I can feel the current pulling me
Deeper into You

You see me for who I am
You did reach out Your hand
You made me understand
That Your love has always covered me

"I've been holding on and now I'm letting go; letting Your love carry me away."

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Traveller fell apart at 12:30 AM

May 20, 2007

Finding Contentment

I haven't been happy in a long while, that much I admit. If you asked me when was the last time I felt truly at bliss, at peace, I'd say it's been far too long since that instance for me to recall off-hand. Simply put, I've had trouble finding simple contentment in the smaller things in life and all I've done is focus on the shortcomings and adversities I've had to overcome. But life is like that for everyone else, we all have our personal struggles and battles to wage, and similarly we all have our little things in life to be content about.

I'm trying my best now to find contentment in the little things in life, in aspects that I've been blessed by God. Despite the worries and uncertainty about my future love life, I know I have a wonderful family to fall back on. I failed to see that in the past, and taking that point of view seems so liberating now. I worried about not earning enough to be able to call myself successful but now I realise, money really isn't everything if you don't have true contentment and completeness from within.

Some say that completeness from within doesn't necessarily have to come from above, it can be found in the things around us. I fail to see this point. Deep inside every human soul, is a void which can only be filled by the Creator God and any other attempt to suggest otherwise falls far short. All the struggles, pursuits of fame, power and wealth are merely attempts to fill that void in with worldly condiments; and like all things worldly, are destined to moth and rust in the end. How much better is it to put our trust in things above, where moth and rust do not destroy, where thieves do not break in to steal? Equally, how much better is it to place our love above rather than on humans who will fail us from time to time.

Worldly love isn't that important if you see it from the grand scheme of things. We'd do well to realise that, and to stop building a shrine to commemorate this creation of God's.

"I wear the pain and grin, I play the part again. So everyone will see me the way that I see them."

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Traveller fell apart at 12:59 PM

May 10, 2007

Dead Inside

Splender - I Think God Can Explain

There's a lot of things I understand

And there's a lot of things that I don't want to know
But you're the only face I recognize
It's so damn sweet of you to look me in the eyes

It's alright, I'm okay
I think God can explain
I believe I'm the same
I get carried away
It's alright, I'm okay
I think God can explain
I'm relieved, I'm relaxed
I'll get over it, yeah

The scent of vaseline in the summertime
The feel of an ice cube melting over time
The world seems bigger than both of us
Yet it seems so small when I begin to cry

It's alright, I'm ok
I think God can explain
I believe I'm the same
I get carried away
It's alright, I'm ok
I think God can explain
I'm relieved, I'm relaxed
I'll get over it, yeah

I'm so much better than you guessed
I'm so much bigger than you guessed
I'm so much brighter than you guessed

It's alright, I'm ok
I think God can explain
I believe I'm the same
I get carried away
It's alright, I'm ok
I think God can explain
I'm relieved, I'm relaxed
I'll get off of your back

I think God can explain, I think God can explain

I think God can explain

I think the key to dealing with such situations is trust in His unfailing Will. It is a hard thing to grasp given the finite-ness of our minds and understanding but then again, faith was never an easy journey to begin with. I'm trying to take it in my stride and I'm praying fervently for release and relief, and I'm also beseeching God for my path in life, for my plans whatever they may be. I really hope He will show me what He has planned for me.

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Traveller fell apart at 9:24 PM

Closing Doors

He twitched, gingerly opening his eyes to the glaring light. Rubbing his eyes slowly, he sat up and took note of his surroundings. Cool air, sweet smell of dew, birds singing in the trees; it was everything you might have hoped to wake up to. He stirred, rustling the pile of dead leaves as he got up to explore his surroundings. Where was this place? It felt so serene and yet, underlying it all, was a feeling of dread; like it was all a facade.

Then he woke. To the darkness of his old shed. To the musty smell of old newspapers flung around the room, evidence of his tardiness. It was all a sham, something he knew was too good to be true. Somehow the light he saw and the beauty he experienced was always going to be too good for him. It was his destiny in life never to know happiness and the dream was merely sick taunting from the corner of his consciousness, as if cruelly reminding him of his eternal melancholy. It was always going to be a case of chasing shadows in the wind, or was it?

The door had been left ajar, leaving light streaming in from the sun outside. As he walked over to investigate, he felt a cool breeze filter into the room, reminiscent of what he'd experienced in the dream. Could it be that there was happiness behind the door? If he'd only open it wide and take it all in? He heard voices calling out to him from the fence outside, as if gesturing for him to follow his heart and to embrace the Light outside. He smiled wryly, as if making a motion to do so.

Then he stopped. Taking a padlock, he bolted it shut, making sure that never again would he believe that he'd ever be happy. Then he sank to the floor slowly, and wept.

"They say love hurts, I wrote that book."


Traveller fell apart at 1:01 AM

May 05, 2007

Spiderman 3

Disclaimer: Do not read if you have not watched Spider-Man 3!

I've never been particularly fond of Peter Parker and his alter ego, Spiderman. To me, they represented an anti-thesis to the 'conflicted superhero' theme I've always believed to be the most interesting. Simply put, Peter Parker exhibits too much joy and happiness which stems from the almost perfect life that he's enjoying. Mary Jane, Aunt May, job at the Bugle, fame and adoration as Spiderman, the man's practically got the world eating right out of his hands; or so I thought.

I guess Spiderman 3 changed my perspectives not only about the psyche of this superhero, but also certain truths which are largely ignored in today's world. Throughout the movie, the theme of revenge-forgiveness was recurrent and was evidently consuming Peter Parker as he sought his own brand of justice. The cesspool of hate which welled up in his heart eventually resulted in an entirely ugly manifestation of his desire to hurt those who'd hurt him. It was amazing the way Sam Raimi seamlessly weaved together a story on which Peter Parker would learn the true meaning of forgiveness in so many aspects of his life. Even more amazing was the final scene where we are told that "everyone has choices to do the right or wrong thing". So true, it seemed like a direct arrow to my heart.

For me, the action and special effects were secondary; the romance between Spiderman and Mary Jane merely a sideshow. The real meat of the show, I felt, was the eventual realisation that all that really mattered was the ones he had left and not the ones that were gone. That revenge was an all-consuming poison which he had no place going after. That Harry was really just a good guy who had misunderstood the situation and directed his rage in the wrong way. That the Sandman was really just a desperate criminal driven into a corner by prevailing life circumstances. And most importantly, was Aunt May's pearl of wisdom when sought her opinion on his impending proposal to Mary Jane. "A man must learn to put his wife and family above himself. Can you do that, Peter?"

Thank you Sam Raimi, for a genuine masterpiece of a movie.

"The only resolution and only joy, is the faint spark of forgiveness in your eyes."


Traveller fell apart at 12:16 AM

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