August 30, 2007

I Remember

I remember the day so clearly, it was those crippling words which bore a hole through my soul. They cut into me like a knife through butter, crippling what was already a jaded spirit.

I remember it well, the first time I saw
Your head round the door
Cause mine stopped working
I remember it well, there was wet in your hair
I was stood in the stair
And time stopped moving

There were occasions where I'd wanted you back, where I thought that I couldn't live without you. There were nights when I'd replay all the memories in my head for the 'high' that I'd usually get. And I'd smile myself to bed, hoping in some sick way that time would stand still.

Want you here tonight, want you here
Cause I can't believe what I found
Want you here tonight, want you here
Nothing is taking me down, down, down.

Nights where we ran through the mild spring rains to my car after a late night movie, or the quiet moments we shared by the river sharing our hopes and fears. I recall the times I sat and watched you study, marveled by the person who was sitting right next to me. Wondering if there was anyone else besides me, wondering where I was in your priority line.

I remember it well, taxied out of a storm.
To watch you perform
And my ships were sailing
I remember it well, I was stood in your line
And your mouth, your mouth, your mind.

I'd really wished things didn't have to end this way, to come to such an abrupt end that night. Maybe it was wishful thinking on my part, perhaps I was too naive to believe such a tragedy could have been averted. And most nights I prayed:

Want you here tonight, want you here
Cause I can't believe what I found
Want you here tonight, want you here
Nothing is taking me down, down, down
Except you my love.
Except you my love.

After all these years, however, I've come to a realisation and epiphany. And these following lyrics are for you. Because they perfectly encapsulate what I'd want to say if I ever saw you again.

Come all ye lost, and dive into moss
And I hope, that my sanity covers the cost
To remove the stain of my love
Paper mache.

Oooh, come all ye reborn
Blow off my horn
I'm driving real hard
This is love, this is scorn
God would forgive me
But I whip myself in scorn. Scorn.

I wanna hear what you have to say about me
Hear if you're gonna live without me
I wanna hear what you want
I remember December.


Traveller fell apart at 3:25 AM

August 17, 2007

Contemplative Stirrings

I'm nearing the end of my journey in Melbourne, one which leaves me astounded as to the ferocity with which time has snatched the moments away from my grasp. In approximately 7 months (excluding the summer break in Singapore), I would have ended undergraduate life and begun to take the first steps into the throes of the working world. In approximately 7 months, I will officially be termed an adult and responsible for my own finances, relationships and accountability. And honestly, it's daunting.

I constantly reflect and wonder, thinking about how I've spent the time in Melbourne and how I've grown in retrospect. It was good in a way, knowing that my undergraduate life in a foreign land was a dress rehearsal for the real thing that was to come, the real test of life which comes to us all. The props must be put away now, the curtains drawn as the stage is set for the main actor of my life to take centrestage. Perhaps it's true then, when Shakespeare comments that all the world's a stage and the men and women in it merely players. But even the bravest and most experienced of actors must go through stage fright, something that threatens to derail the calm exuding from me.

There are yet many battles left to fight in my life, and many walls and fortresses to be broken down as the army charges into battle. But even as the gates of protection come undone before me, there is an air of nostalgia and apprehensiveness that pervades the atmosphere. But I will kneel and pray to the Almighty, who is always in control, that he might guide my paths and bring me victory in the battle which matters the most - the battle for my own soul.

"And if you'd never had my heart, I would have never called you back from the start."


Traveller fell apart at 1:22 AM

August 06, 2007

Irresistible Grace

How does one go through life resisting infinite grace when it is handed on a silver platter? How do scientists look at the inner workings of nature and conclude an evolutionary thesis? How do people use the Proverbs found in the Bible everyday and not accede to them? Shocking, but an increasingly astounding fact. Simply put, the veil which continues to cloud the vision of the pre-believers continues to grow, and it has begun now to intrude on sacred ground of the Church.

Richard Dawkins, in publishing his 'well-documented' book The God Delusion has effectively opened up a can of worms within the religious community, or has he? Perhaps all he's managed to accomplish is to establish himself as the god of atheism; perhaps all he's able to muster up in the midst of those biting and cynical comments are the stirrings of even more violence and dissent. I find it amusing when atheists all over quote him as if he is some sort of reference book for Atheism 101. For every Richard Dawkins, however, there will be a Charles Spurgeon. Both intellectuals in their own right and both vehement and fervent in their logical rationalising of their beliefs. However, as light and darkness cannot mix, so too are their arguments. One must be right, and the other wrong.

The bitter nature of these philosophical debates have raged on since Aristotle, Plato and Socrates. Such is the nature of Man, an eternal desire for Truth and Meaning in Existence; and such is the origin of such debates. Perhaps only when Post-Modernism drops its mind-numbing rhetoric and influence over vast portions of society, will we see a revival in faith and spirituality. Until then, all we can place our hopes in, is Irresistible Grace.

"Life is not what I thought it was, twenty-four hours ago. Still, I'm singing 'Spirit take me up in arms with You."

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Traveller fell apart at 2:16 AM

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