Melancholic Derivations

January 29, 2007

Looking Forward

A drop of salt into a freshwater pond changes it fundamentally, altering its chemical composition and over time, even its eco-system. So too do experiences change our lives, altering our emotional and maturity compositions. My internship has definitely altered my mindset, bringing to focus both the harsh realities of working life and at the same time, how bliss can be found in little things that we often take for granted.

I think one of the utmost lessons I've learnt this summer is that working environment is extremely important. Have a good bunch of colleagues and you'll find that time passes really quickly and powerful synergy coarses through the veins of everyone. Thankfully, I haven't had the misfortune to experience the other end of the spectrum and pray that the next 3 weeks pass by as well as the previous 5 have gone. I'm thankful for Chee Han, possibly one of the best leaders I've ever worked under. Somehow he manages to combine ruthless efficiency with consideration for his subordinates in a blend which offends no one but gets the job done in time. It's something I'd do well to emulate, to learn from and I'm sure the daily morning cab ride conversations with him do no harm to that respect.

Normally, people attribute such good fortune to merely Luck or Fate. I'd like to think that there is a Being beyond our comprehension who controls and ensures that everything in life is for a purpose. And it's good to know that there's Someone out there who's always watching out for your interests no matter what the circumstances. It's a comforting thought but one which is hard to grasp in fast-paced, affluent Singapore. And that is also a reason why I've been considering migration as a viable option after my graduation.

Because when push comes to shove, God is more important than anything this world can offer me.

Labels: Life In General

Traveller fell apart at 2:39 AM

January 06, 2007

Masked Betrayal

As human beings, it is normal to crave righteousness, to know that we're in the right and that everyone else who doesn't agree is in the wrong. Essentially, throughout the history of Man, it has been a struggle against the 'others' who quite simply, don't agree with our point of view. Because they don't, they are the enemy and must most certainly be wrong. I am no exception then; I am merely a man who craves that jubilation when proven right, when a speculation I've had for a long time turns out to be in my favour. I really love that feeling of being proven right, but in this case, I wish I was so wrong.

Betrayal is another aspect in life which everyone must learn to deal with. Everyone betrays somebody's trust some time, it is an unavoidable and yet, pervasive moot point in life. But often, it is not acquaintances or hi-bye friends who go through with the betrayal. What makes betrayal garner its insidious and dark meaning is the fact that it most usually stems from someone whom we love and trust. Sadly, it is the people whom we often expect not to betray who do so. It is an issue I've been learning to cope with, to swallow and take in my stride. But it is hard, it is a difficult pill to swallow, not bitter but oh, so poisonous. But I've done it. I've wrestled with myself all night and managed to force it down my throat knowing though, that its yet another stain on my soul... another poison that's been introduced into my already tainted fabric of reality.

I'm disappointed and hurt but it'll pass like so many other things in life. It's just that things like these that happen show me why it is important to choose your friends and the ones you love wisely.

"Transgression forms an everyday part of our life. What defines us is how we deal with them."

Labels: Melancholic, Thoughts

Traveller fell apart at 12:13 PM

January 01, 2007

New Year Blues

It was a pretty interesting New Year party which was spent with the OCFers. Food, drinks and plenty of camaraderie seemed to temporarily mask the troubled thoughts I've been having in recent times. Perhaps it's a tad bit too melodramatic to classify the thoughts I've been having as troubling, quite simply because they don't affect me in terms of physical, mental or spiritual health. But it's just that nagging, ankle-biting feeling that won't go away and seems to haunt me when I let my guard down. Just for that one second.

It gets weird when you stumble upon a party with 6 other couples and you. The sudden realisation leaves you wondering when that proverbial 'One' will come along to light your emotional path for the next 50 years. For some, it's a dreamy affair, one that pleases them as they daydream about their future partner. For others, it's more like a nightmare which haunts them in every waking moment. I would say I'm somewhere in the middle at present; but it's at occasions like these which exacerbate the effect tremendously.

And it was right at that moment during the night that this song played on the speakers, compounding the effect.

Coldplay - Fix You

When you try your best but you don't succeed
When you get what you want but not what you need
When you feel so tired but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse

And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

And high up above or down below
When you're too in love to let it go
But if you never try you'll never know
Just what you're worth

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Tears stream down your face
When you lose something you cannot replace
Tears stream down your face
And I

Tears stream down your face
I promise you I will learn from my mistakes
Tears stream down your face
And I

Lights will guide you home
And ignite your bones
And I will try to fix you

Will anyone ever fix me?

Labels: Life In General, Melancholic

Traveller fell apart at 6:27 AM


	Now Spinning Heroes Theme - Heroes Soundtrack The Protagonist joel \| content \| driven \| focused \| motive-oriented \| cynical \| analytical \| God-fearing \| jaded \| Frequent Reads Ben Christie Christine Davina Eugene Jasmine Jeremy Jo-ann Kay-Lene Mac Tammy Vivek Past Rants January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 Tap My Shoulder		January 29, 2007 Looking Forward A drop of salt into a freshwater pond changes it fundamentally, altering its chemical composition and over time, even its eco-system. So too do experiences change our lives, altering our emotional and maturity compositions. My internship has definitely altered my mindset, bringing to focus both the harsh realities of working life and at the same time, how bliss can be found in little things that we often take for granted. I think one of the utmost lessons I've learnt this summer is that working environment is extremely important. Have a good bunch of colleagues and you'll find that time passes really quickly and powerful synergy coarses through the veins of everyone. Thankfully, I haven't had the misfortune to experience the other end of the spectrum and pray that the next 3 weeks pass by as well as the previous 5 have gone. I'm thankful for Chee Han, possibly one of the best leaders I've ever worked under. Somehow he manages to combine ruthless efficiency with consideration for his subordinates in a blend which offends no one but gets the job done in time. It's something I'd do well to emulate, to learn from and I'm sure the daily morning cab ride conversations with him do no harm to that respect. Normally, people attribute such good fortune to merely Luck or Fate. I'd like to think that there is a Being beyond our comprehension who controls and ensures that everything in life is for a purpose. And it's good to know that there's Someone out there who's always watching out for your interests no matter what the circumstances. It's a comforting thought but one which is hard to grasp in fast-paced, affluent Singapore. And that is also a reason why I've been considering migration as a viable option after my graduation. Because when push comes to shove, God is more important than anything this world can offer me. Labels: Life In General Traveller fell apart at 2:39 AM January 06, 2007 Masked Betrayal As human beings, it is normal to crave righteousness, to know that we're in the right and that everyone else who doesn't agree is in the wrong. Essentially, throughout the history of Man, it has been a struggle against the 'others' who quite simply, don't agree with our point of view. Because they don't, they are the enemy and must most certainly be wrong. I am no exception then; I am merely a man who craves that jubilation when proven right, when a speculation I've had for a long time turns out to be in my favour. I really love that feeling of being proven right, but in this case, I wish I was so wrong. Betrayal is another aspect in life which everyone must learn to deal with. Everyone betrays somebody's trust some time, it is an unavoidable and yet, pervasive moot point in life. But often, it is not acquaintances or hi-bye friends who go through with the betrayal. What makes betrayal garner its insidious and dark meaning is the fact that it most usually stems from someone whom we love and trust. Sadly, it is the people whom we often expect not to betray who do so. It is an issue I've been learning to cope with, to swallow and take in my stride. But it is hard, it is a difficult pill to swallow, not bitter but oh, so poisonous. But I've done it. I've wrestled with myself all night and managed to force it down my throat knowing though, that its yet another stain on my soul... another poison that's been introduced into my already tainted fabric of reality. I'm disappointed and hurt but it'll pass like so many other things in life. It's just that things like these that happen show me why it is important to choose your friends and the ones you love wisely. "Transgression forms an everyday part of our life. What defines us is how we deal with them." Labels: Melancholic, Thoughts Traveller fell apart at 12:13 PM January 01, 2007 New Year Blues It was a pretty interesting New Year party which was spent with the OCFers. Food, drinks and plenty of camaraderie seemed to temporarily mask the troubled thoughts I've been having in recent times. Perhaps it's a tad bit too melodramatic to classify the thoughts I've been having as troubling, quite simply because they don't affect me in terms of physical, mental or spiritual health. But it's just that nagging, ankle-biting feeling that won't go away and seems to haunt me when I let my guard down. Just for that one second. It gets weird when you stumble upon a party with 6 other couples and you. The sudden realisation leaves you wondering when that proverbial 'One' will come along to light your emotional path for the next 50 years. For some, it's a dreamy affair, one that pleases them as they daydream about their future partner. For others, it's more like a nightmare which haunts them in every waking moment. I would say I'm somewhere in the middle at present; but it's at occasions like these which exacerbate the effect tremendously. And it was right at that moment during the night that this song played on the speakers, compounding the effect. Coldplay - Fix You When you try your best but you don't succeed When you get what you want but not what you need When you feel so tired but you can't sleep Stuck in reverse And the tears come streaming down your face When you lose something you can't replace When you love someone but it goes to waste Could it be worse? Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you And high up above or down below When you're too in love to let it go But if you never try you'll never know Just what you're worth Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you Tears stream down your face When you lose something you cannot replace Tears stream down your face And I Tears stream down your face I promise you I will learn from my mistakes Tears stream down your face And I Lights will guide you home And ignite your bones And I will try to fix you Will anyone ever fix me? Labels: Life In General, Melancholic Traveller fell apart at 6:27 AM