Melancholic Derivations

January 29, 2004

Rain. It's often considered a dreary thing that no one appreciates. The past few days islandwide have been wet to say the least. No single centimeter of soil has been left untouched by the falling rain and neither have the hordes of NSFs making their way home from camp. Me included. Was standing at the bus stop two days ago when I overheard a conversation between two 'hokkien pengs'. For those of you who did not get that, I was referring to the class of people in Singapore who speak hokkien as a first language and Chinese as a second. Anyway, I digress. They were complaining and cursing with every known vulgarity (to me at least) about the rain and how it was spoiling their plans for the night. Not very exciting or legal plans I might add.

The point is, I see rain in a different light. Well, for one, we have been facing sunny and hot days for the past 3 months and a rainy day was a welcome change of pace. Also, I see rain as a refreshing shower for the soul. It was something I needed after the past few tumultuous weeks. Won't elaborate too much on that but somehow, on the way back from Stephanie's house tonight, I chose to walk in the rain. It's as if you liberate yourself and allow something inside to be 'cleansed'.

But what if something deep down could never be cleansed? What if there were overriding concerns and scars had already been forever left?

Rhetorical, I know.

"When it rains, it pours and opens doors and floods the floors we thought would always keep us safe and dry."

Traveller fell apart at 2:56 AM

January 28, 2004

As I type this post, I am sitting on a chair that is obviously too short for me to reach the table and it is with great difficulty that I am hammering away at the keyboard. Perhaps this is a good thing because had I been in a more comfortable position, the contents of this post would be far less comforting to the eyes. Excuse the excessive use of vulgarities I am about to use. I am seriously so tired and overcome by anger.

I arrived in camp today to take over duties from the previous day's Company Orderly Sergeant and was hoping to take it 'easy' today as I was going to be on duty tonight. When I called up my colleague and found that he was on MC, a burst of indignance spilled out of my guts, threatening to leave me in a frenzy and screaming at him over the phone. You see, this is not the first time he has taken MC and the bugger even tries to pretend that he is sick by coughing into the phone. I mean, hey, if you want to fake an MC fine but don't even try to con me into thinking you are actually sick. That just makes me so SICK, you know? To make matters worse, DY called me and asked me to attend to certain matters which I had absolutely no idea about, matters that he was attending to. The bugger didn't even bother to call and inform me that there were such problems. So, ok, fine, maybe it was just an unlucky day for me and perhaps he was really sick (yeah right).

Later in the day, I called Fadhil to inquire about the 'offs' he was promising me from LTA Law. When he picked up the phone, a sarcastic and demanding tone met me. He wanted to know why 'all of a sudden are you calling me and asking me about all these? I have no time!" I mean, hey, this fella is one of my best friends in camp and he is treating me like this after being attached to LTA Law? I am seriously beginning to doubt in the viability of true friendship. So there it was, my day was dampened. But apparently not enough for their liking.

While issuing arms to the guards in the afternoon, a surprise met me when Jith and Reza turned up at the armskote. Apparently, Jith had changed duties and Reza had been called up on reserve today. They began telling me about how they were going to turn me out in the night and ensure that I would not have a good night's rest. To compound my misery, I found out the Battalion Orderly Sergeant had changed to this fucker called 1SG Suren.

Which brings me to my point. Why in the world is everybody trying to make my life miserable? What exactly is their fucking problem? I just want to ORD in peace like everyone else but it seems that these people are not going to let me. Either way, I am going to either ORD in peace or ORD with a shit load of ruckus and believe me, I will ensure the total failure of the next Logistics Readiness Inspection. To all these assholes who are trying to make my life miserable, I say 'fuck you' and get a life man.

And as I said to Reza today, "every action has its own consequences. Be ready for the outcome of what you do."

And when I say it, I usually mean it. Usually.

Traveller fell apart at 12:11 AM

January 21, 2004

Chinese New Year is upon us. Ok, ok, I make it sound like it's a really detestable thing when it's not. Red packets and food litter the streets and light up the worlds of many children and young adults as they go on a annual visiting run. Chinese New Year this year will be a quieter affair for me, though, due to the fact that one side of my family is overseas and the other isn't exactly the biggest. Perhaps that means smaller amounts of red packets collected and had this been 5 years ago, I'd have brought the roof down with my bitter grumbling. Nowadays, I'm more content to have my peace and quiet. Yes, that includes forfeiting sums of money as a sacrifice.

Finally found the Band Of Brothers VCD lying around in a musky old shop in Woodlands. Wasn't that keen on making a trip downtown just to get it anyway so it's just as well that I find the VCD on my way home from camp. As I viewed the scenes of anxiety and horror in World War II, I now realize why all men who have been through a war never want to revisit it again. War is the most horrible thing and yet, few actually seem to realize this in today's world. All day long in today's papers, we hear threats of belligerence from a stronger country to a weaker one. And all in the name of what? Pure flexing of power? A show of muscle for a thousand widows and a single speech for tens of thousands of orphans? The odds are great but they still seem not to deter world leaders. Weird if you ask me.

My cousin, Leonard finally re-established ICQ contact with me after I missed his farewell party on his departure to the UK for further studies. We were just chatting away when something he said struck me. "Everything you do in these last days will seem so terminal, so pointless." He was right and what he said hit that spot. Sadly. A tinge of regret fills my heart everytime I think of where I will be in 5 months time and yet, I know this is what I'm supposed to do. Like the men who were sent from the farms of Georgia and Alabama to the frontlines of Normandy and Holland, I must steel myself for the coming test.

"Every man has got to prepare himself within for the shock that is to come. That is imperative. Without doing so, he'd fail to adapt and fail to survive."

Traveller fell apart at 11:12 PM

January 15, 2004

Leslie just enlisted today and I've been thinking. This must be the song for the NSFs. After all, often times, we find that we can never trust our commanders as they can turn out to be real backstabbers and bastards in the end.

Linkin' Park - From The Inside

I don't know who to trust
No surprise
[everyone feels so far away from me]
Heavy thoughts sift through dust and the lies

Trying not to break but I'm so tired of this deceit
Everytime I try to make myself get back upon my feet
All I ever think about is this
All the tiring time between
And how trying to put my trust in you
Just takes so much out of me

Take everything from the inside
And throw it all away
'Cause I swear for the last time
I won't trust myself with you

Tension is building inside steadily
[everyone feels so far away from me]
Heavy thoughts forcing their way out of me

Trying not to break but I'm so tired of this deceit
Everytime I try to make myself get back up on my feet
All I ever think about is this
All the tiring time between
And how trying to put my trust in you
Just takes so much out of me

Take everything from the inside
And throw it all away
'Cause I swear for the last time
I won't trust myself with you

I won't waste myself on you
You, you
Waste myself on you
You, you

I'll take everything from the inside
And throw it all away
'Cause I swear for the last time
I won't trust myself with you

I Take everything from the inside
And just throw it all away
'Cause I swear for the last time
I won't trust myself with you
You, you

Traveller fell apart at 11:40 PM

Discussions with Sim today about doing our FFI brought back a flood of memories. Memories from a time not so long ago when Ricson and Luqman were still around and were discussing THEIR FFIs. For all those non-SAF personnel, a FFI is done on only a few occasions during your NSF life, one of which being the months before you leave the service. My time has come surely and I will grab it with both hands.

Work has been getting more unpleasant by the day due to the upcoming FURTHER centralisation of camps. Imagine this, IBM and Dell merge to form a larger company but the workforce that runs this combined company is only equivalent to that of Dell's original number. More work, more shit but same amount of people. Another 'great' step forward for the SAF no doubt with seemingly 'excellent' planning.

I've come to a stage where I just want to get out of camp at every opportunity possible. It doesn't matter if it's for a detail or dispatch just as long as I leave that shithole.

Our new Commanding Officer's an extremely demanding person and that doesn't bode well for the future of our battalion. Not that I care anyway. I just hope and pray that he'll leave me alone for my last months when he takes over in March. Sitting in the CO Conference two days ago, I could only smile as I watched him pull his weight and hand out orders which were nasty to say the least. Somehow, I don't think it's going to be a good year for Jack and Reza.

I'm sorry if my thoughts seem disjointed today but I just can't seem to focus. Perhaps it's the fear at the back of my mind about work that's causing this.

Traveller fell apart at 11:26 PM

January 12, 2004

Came across this post in my colleague, Jiehan's blog and I think he's probably said everything that I've wanted to say about the army. The only thing I don't see eye to eye with him on is probably his comment that "your attitude in army life determines your attitude in working life". I beg to differ. Some of us see no point in slogging away for the country and hence, we may seem slack. But I'm sure when it comes to the crunch, most of us would put in our very best especially if it involves the ricebowl. Anyway, without further ado, here is the article taken off his website "The trouble with the SAF".

the trouble with the army

longjin called me yesterday night to complain about the shit in the army. as in he was feeling very disgusted as to why he had to be the one to get all the shit while others can slack away. he's an NSF, they are NSF, all of us are NSF, so why the difference. why must NSFs make life difficult for another NSF? he was super distressed.

actually i think this is something that all men will go through. the feeling of helplessness at the situation. it's like almost hopeless. you have like 1.5 years left of your service term, things are bleak and you get shit everyday. your life is being run by idiots who can't tell their ass from their head and you are expected to follow their orders. some things that you do don't make any sense at all. there is favoritism, and a whole lot of bullying by those who are higher in rank, or more lao-jiao in that sense. the newbies will get all the unpleasant stuff like clearing the rubbish everyday, getting the worst dates and slots for duty, do the most menial work like carry this, do that... it's a sucky thing. at times, it's not your problem, but you get penalized for it anyway. people mess up, but you end up having to clear their shit. a insincere sorry and you have to slave for them.

i've experienced them all. being just a corporal, my dealings are all with people higher in rank, staff sergeants, officers, warrant officers. most of them are gangsters and are freaking pushy. i still can remember the cases of bravo company. they are freaking gangster. they were in the wrong 1st by submitting their indents late, yet they still wanted it URGENT URGENT. and they kept on hounding me saying it's URGENT. but if warehouse is out of stock, there is nothing i can do right? fly to germany and get the item for you? no matter, that i can still take. next, the item comes after i went to hound warehouse in turn, guess what. when it was delivered, i immediately called those dogs that your URGENT item has arrived. and that item happily laid in my store for 1 week before they came and collect it. so that is your idea of URGENT. never mind, that i still can take. and afterwards, those dogs came back and said OH SO SORRY, we indented for the wrong item. please return it to warehouse for us. we don't need it anymore. OH FUCK YOU ALL MAN.

point is, those dogs are morons in the army. in a professional working relationship with these animals, one doesn't have to be kind or helpful. you don't have to go out of your way to help them. do what is required of you, and volunteer for nothing more. always watch your own backside, and not get backstabbed by anyone. and if there is a chance, you can stab them back if you wish. make them understand, get it through their dense brains, not to fool around with you. you are not nice to eat. and you will be safe.

for an NSF, it doesn't matter if you do work or not. your ultimate reward of ORD and getting out of there doesn't come with diligence or hard work. it comes with the passage of time. a day spent sleeping in store, or a day spent hard at work, is still a day. there is no added bonus for hard work. hence, i have come to realize that it is super hard to motivate these bunch of animals. there is no incentive, only the whip. hence, everyone is good at pushing things around, especially unpleasant tasks. if you are too nice, you will be the one being taken advantage of.

personally, i think that your attitude in the army, will determine your attitude in the working world. it's a situation of hopelessness and distress. you are thrown into a pit of snakes and rats, and you have to stay sane. so how you handle your situation is good training. if you decide to be cowardly and pussy, like some people i've come across, most prob you are just destined to be a pussy all your life. if you decide to shirk from responsibility, most prob you will be a wuss all your life. in that shithole, you have to do what is required of you. like what LKY said, if you can't even handle a small event well (he was regarding to NDP), what hope have you got for greater things like leading a country? if you don't even dare to meet this sort of challenge straight on, you are destined to be a tiny worm all your life.

my stint in logistics, i think, has been a fortuitous twist of fate. getting injured was a blessing in disguise. cos it gave me a chance to really learn and play the game of office politics, rather than mindlessly charging up hills. i've made mistakes of course, but the penalties are not as severe that in the outside world with my career at stake. i've learnt to sit behind a desk, to plot and to scheme, i've learnt to smile and sharpen knives, i've learnt how to defend myself in a position and counterattack. the only thing perhaps which i sort of haven't done successfully is that i've not felt comfortable in a leading position.

and my poor young junior is just beginning to understand this game. and it's rules. show no mercy, cos you shall receive none.

Traveller fell apart at 12:02 AM

January 07, 2004

The return to camp has been nothing short of dreary. Hell, what do you expect after a month long hiatus? I arrived in camp on Friday morning to the chorus of a platoon of new trainees echoing their 'left-right-left' chant as they marched uniformly towards their building. And that was it. I was back to hell once again. Grey walls and stuck-up officers 'serenaded' me as I trudged reluctantly up the slope towards HQ building. And in my mind, a series of questions kept replaying again and again.

While in the office, I read more news about the implentation of National Service by Malaysians. It seems to me that either the Malaysians are daft or they are really worried about security. In no way will a draft encourage voter count and I sincerely hope UMNO realizes this. If they don't, I fear for the future of our neighbour. The amusing thing about it all was the apparent inability of one of their Ministers to understand the apprehension of many Malaysian youngsters as news broke out. No, you stupid fool. No one wants to serve in the army despite it being a 'pride and joy' and 'honour to serve'. You'd have thought that having made it into the Cabinet this guy would have more sense, but his comments reveal otherwise.

Which brings me to a conclusion. An obvious yet seldom said one. Politicians aren't that smart after all. Well, at least not the ones across the Causeway. Don't believe me? Look at their champion of "justice", Dr M.

Traveller fell apart at 9:12 PM


	Now Spinning Heroes Theme - Heroes Soundtrack The Protagonist joel \| content \| driven \| focused \| motive-oriented \| cynical \| analytical \| God-fearing \| jaded \| Frequent Reads Ben Christie Christine Davina Eugene Jasmine Jeremy Jo-ann Kay-Lene Mac Tammy Vivek Past Rants January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 Tap My Shoulder		January 29, 2004 Rain. It's often considered a dreary thing that no one appreciates. The past few days islandwide have been wet to say the least. No single centimeter of soil has been left untouched by the falling rain and neither have the hordes of NSFs making their way home from camp. Me included. Was standing at the bus stop two days ago when I overheard a conversation between two 'hokkien pengs'. For those of you who did not get that, I was referring to the class of people in Singapore who speak hokkien as a first language and Chinese as a second. Anyway, I digress. They were complaining and cursing with every known vulgarity (to me at least) about the rain and how it was spoiling their plans for the night. Not very exciting or legal plans I might add. The point is, I see rain in a different light. Well, for one, we have been facing sunny and hot days for the past 3 months and a rainy day was a welcome change of pace. Also, I see rain as a refreshing shower for the soul. It was something I needed after the past few tumultuous weeks. Won't elaborate too much on that but somehow, on the way back from Stephanie's house tonight, I chose to walk in the rain. It's as if you liberate yourself and allow something inside to be 'cleansed'. But what if something deep down could never be cleansed? What if there were overriding concerns and scars had already been forever left? Rhetorical, I know. "When it rains, it pours and opens doors and floods the floors we thought would always keep us safe and dry." Traveller fell apart at 2:56 AM January 28, 2004 As I type this post, I am sitting on a chair that is obviously too short for me to reach the table and it is with great difficulty that I am hammering away at the keyboard. Perhaps this is a good thing because had I been in a more comfortable position, the contents of this post would be far less comforting to the eyes. Excuse the excessive use of vulgarities I am about to use. I am seriously so tired and overcome by anger. I arrived in camp today to take over duties from the previous day's Company Orderly Sergeant and was hoping to take it 'easy' today as I was going to be on duty tonight. When I called up my colleague and found that he was on MC, a burst of indignance spilled out of my guts, threatening to leave me in a frenzy and screaming at him over the phone. You see, this is not the first time he has taken MC and the bugger even tries to pretend that he is sick by coughing into the phone. I mean, hey, if you want to fake an MC fine but don't even try to con me into thinking you are actually sick. That just makes me so SICK, you know? To make matters worse, DY called me and asked me to attend to certain matters which I had absolutely no idea about, matters that he was attending to. The bugger didn't even bother to call and inform me that there were such problems. So, ok, fine, maybe it was just an unlucky day for me and perhaps he was really sick (yeah right). Later in the day, I called Fadhil to inquire about the 'offs' he was promising me from LTA Law. When he picked up the phone, a sarcastic and demanding tone met me. He wanted to know why 'all of a sudden are you calling me and asking me about all these? I have no time!" I mean, hey, this fella is one of my best friends in camp and he is treating me like this after being attached to LTA Law? I am seriously beginning to doubt in the viability of true friendship. So there it was, my day was dampened. But apparently not enough for their liking. While issuing arms to the guards in the afternoon, a surprise met me when Jith and Reza turned up at the armskote. Apparently, Jith had changed duties and Reza had been called up on reserve today. They began telling me about how they were going to turn me out in the night and ensure that I would not have a good night's rest. To compound my misery, I found out the Battalion Orderly Sergeant had changed to this fucker called 1SG Suren. Which brings me to my point. Why in the world is everybody trying to make my life miserable? What exactly is their fucking problem? I just want to ORD in peace like everyone else but it seems that these people are not going to let me. Either way, I am going to either ORD in peace or ORD with a shit load of ruckus and believe me, I will ensure the total failure of the next Logistics Readiness Inspection. To all these assholes who are trying to make my life miserable, I say 'fuck you' and get a life man. And as I said to Reza today, "every action has its own consequences. Be ready for the outcome of what you do." And when I say it, I usually mean it. Usually. Traveller fell apart at 12:11 AM January 21, 2004 Chinese New Year is upon us. Ok, ok, I make it sound like it's a really detestable thing when it's not. Red packets and food litter the streets and light up the worlds of many children and young adults as they go on a annual visiting run. Chinese New Year this year will be a quieter affair for me, though, due to the fact that one side of my family is overseas and the other isn't exactly the biggest. Perhaps that means smaller amounts of red packets collected and had this been 5 years ago, I'd have brought the roof down with my bitter grumbling. Nowadays, I'm more content to have my peace and quiet. Yes, that includes forfeiting sums of money as a sacrifice. Finally found the Band Of Brothers VCD lying around in a musky old shop in Woodlands. Wasn't that keen on making a trip downtown just to get it anyway so it's just as well that I find the VCD on my way home from camp. As I viewed the scenes of anxiety and horror in World War II, I now realize why all men who have been through a war never want to revisit it again. War is the most horrible thing and yet, few actually seem to realize this in today's world. All day long in today's papers, we hear threats of belligerence from a stronger country to a weaker one. And all in the name of what? Pure flexing of power? A show of muscle for a thousand widows and a single speech for tens of thousands of orphans? The odds are great but they still seem not to deter world leaders. Weird if you ask me. My cousin, Leonard finally re-established ICQ contact with me after I missed his farewell party on his departure to the UK for further studies. We were just chatting away when something he said struck me. "Everything you do in these last days will seem so terminal, so pointless." He was right and what he said hit that spot. Sadly. A tinge of regret fills my heart everytime I think of where I will be in 5 months time and yet, I know this is what I'm supposed to do. Like the men who were sent from the farms of Georgia and Alabama to the frontlines of Normandy and Holland, I must steel myself for the coming test. "Every man has got to prepare himself within for the shock that is to come. That is imperative. Without doing so, he'd fail to adapt and fail to survive." Traveller fell apart at 11:12 PM January 15, 2004 Leslie just enlisted today and I've been thinking. This must be the song for the NSFs. After all, often times, we find that we can never trust our commanders as they can turn out to be real backstabbers and bastards in the end. Linkin' Park - From The Inside I don't know who to trust No surprise [everyone feels so far away from me] Heavy thoughts sift through dust and the lies Trying not to break but I'm so tired of this deceit Everytime I try to make myself get back upon my feet All I ever think about is this All the tiring time between And how trying to put my trust in you Just takes so much out of me Take everything from the inside And throw it all away 'Cause I swear for the last time I won't trust myself with you Tension is building inside steadily [everyone feels so far away from me] Heavy thoughts forcing their way out of me Trying not to break but I'm so tired of this deceit Everytime I try to make myself get back up on my feet All I ever think about is this All the tiring time between And how trying to put my trust in you Just takes so much out of me Take everything from the inside And throw it all away 'Cause I swear for the last time I won't trust myself with you I won't waste myself on you You, you Waste myself on you You, you I'll take everything from the inside And throw it all away 'Cause I swear for the last time I won't trust myself with you I Take everything from the inside And just throw it all away 'Cause I swear for the last time I won't trust myself with you You, you Traveller fell apart at 11:40 PM Discussions with Sim today about doing our FFI brought back a flood of memories. Memories from a time not so long ago when Ricson and Luqman were still around and were discussing THEIR FFIs. For all those non-SAF personnel, a FFI is done on only a few occasions during your NSF life, one of which being the months before you leave the service. My time has come surely and I will grab it with both hands. Work has been getting more unpleasant by the day due to the upcoming FURTHER centralisation of camps. Imagine this, IBM and Dell merge to form a larger company but the workforce that runs this combined company is only equivalent to that of Dell's original number. More work, more shit but same amount of people. Another 'great' step forward for the SAF no doubt with seemingly 'excellent' planning. I've come to a stage where I just want to get out of camp at every opportunity possible. It doesn't matter if it's for a detail or dispatch just as long as I leave that shithole. Our new Commanding Officer's an extremely demanding person and that doesn't bode well for the future of our battalion. Not that I care anyway. I just hope and pray that he'll leave me alone for my last months when he takes over in March. Sitting in the CO Conference two days ago, I could only smile as I watched him pull his weight and hand out orders which were nasty to say the least. Somehow, I don't think it's going to be a good year for Jack and Reza. I'm sorry if my thoughts seem disjointed today but I just can't seem to focus. Perhaps it's the fear at the back of my mind about work that's causing this. Traveller fell apart at 11:26 PM January 12, 2004 Came across this post in my colleague, Jiehan's blog and I think he's probably said everything that I've wanted to say about the army. The only thing I don't see eye to eye with him on is probably his comment that "your attitude in army life determines your attitude in working life". I beg to differ. Some of us see no point in slogging away for the country and hence, we may seem slack. But I'm sure when it comes to the crunch, most of us would put in our very best especially if it involves the ricebowl. Anyway, without further ado, here is the article taken off his website "The trouble with the SAF". the trouble with the army longjin called me yesterday night to complain about the shit in the army. as in he was feeling very disgusted as to why he had to be the one to get all the shit while others can slack away. he's an NSF, they are NSF, all of us are NSF, so why the difference. why must NSFs make life difficult for another NSF? he was super distressed. actually i think this is something that all men will go through. the feeling of helplessness at the situation. it's like almost hopeless. you have like 1.5 years left of your service term, things are bleak and you get shit everyday. your life is being run by idiots who can't tell their ass from their head and you are expected to follow their orders. some things that you do don't make any sense at all. there is favoritism, and a whole lot of bullying by those who are higher in rank, or more lao-jiao in that sense. the newbies will get all the unpleasant stuff like clearing the rubbish everyday, getting the worst dates and slots for duty, do the most menial work like carry this, do that... it's a sucky thing. at times, it's not your problem, but you get penalized for it anyway. people mess up, but you end up having to clear their shit. a insincere sorry and you have to slave for them. i've experienced them all. being just a corporal, my dealings are all with people higher in rank, staff sergeants, officers, warrant officers. most of them are gangsters and are freaking pushy. i still can remember the cases of bravo company. they are freaking gangster. they were in the wrong 1st by submitting their indents late, yet they still wanted it URGENT URGENT. and they kept on hounding me saying it's URGENT. but if warehouse is out of stock, there is nothing i can do right? fly to germany and get the item for you? no matter, that i can still take. next, the item comes after i went to hound warehouse in turn, guess what. when it was delivered, i immediately called those dogs that your URGENT item has arrived. and that item happily laid in my store for 1 week before they came and collect it. so that is your idea of URGENT. never mind, that i still can take. and afterwards, those dogs came back and said OH SO SORRY, we indented for the wrong item. please return it to warehouse for us. we don't need it anymore. OH FUCK YOU ALL MAN. point is, those dogs are morons in the army. in a professional working relationship with these animals, one doesn't have to be kind or helpful. you don't have to go out of your way to help them. do what is required of you, and volunteer for nothing more. always watch your own backside, and not get backstabbed by anyone. and if there is a chance, you can stab them back if you wish. make them understand, get it through their dense brains, not to fool around with you. you are not nice to eat. and you will be safe. for an NSF, it doesn't matter if you do work or not. your ultimate reward of ORD and getting out of there doesn't come with diligence or hard work. it comes with the passage of time. a day spent sleeping in store, or a day spent hard at work, is still a day. there is no added bonus for hard work. hence, i have come to realize that it is super hard to motivate these bunch of animals. there is no incentive, only the whip. hence, everyone is good at pushing things around, especially unpleasant tasks. if you are too nice, you will be the one being taken advantage of. personally, i think that your attitude in the army, will determine your attitude in the working world. it's a situation of hopelessness and distress. you are thrown into a pit of snakes and rats, and you have to stay sane. so how you handle your situation is good training. if you decide to be cowardly and pussy, like some people i've come across, most prob you are just destined to be a pussy all your life. if you decide to shirk from responsibility, most prob you will be a wuss all your life. in that shithole, you have to do what is required of you. like what LKY said, if you can't even handle a small event well (he was regarding to NDP), what hope have you got for greater things like leading a country? if you don't even dare to meet this sort of challenge straight on, you are destined to be a tiny worm all your life. my stint in logistics, i think, has been a fortuitous twist of fate. getting injured was a blessing in disguise. cos it gave me a chance to really learn and play the game of office politics, rather than mindlessly charging up hills. i've made mistakes of course, but the penalties are not as severe that in the outside world with my career at stake. i've learnt to sit behind a desk, to plot and to scheme, i've learnt to smile and sharpen knives, i've learnt how to defend myself in a position and counterattack. the only thing perhaps which i sort of haven't done successfully is that i've not felt comfortable in a leading position. and my poor young junior is just beginning to understand this game. and it's rules. show no mercy, cos you shall receive none. Traveller fell apart at 12:02 AM January 07, 2004 The return to camp has been nothing short of dreary. Hell, what do you expect after a month long hiatus? I arrived in camp on Friday morning to the chorus of a platoon of new trainees echoing their 'left-right-left' chant as they marched uniformly towards their building. And that was it. I was back to hell once again. Grey walls and stuck-up officers 'serenaded' me as I trudged reluctantly up the slope towards HQ building. And in my mind, a series of questions kept replaying again and again. While in the office, I read more news about the implentation of National Service by Malaysians. It seems to me that either the Malaysians are daft or they are really worried about security. In no way will a draft encourage voter count and I sincerely hope UMNO realizes this. If they don't, I fear for the future of our neighbour. The amusing thing about it all was the apparent inability of one of their Ministers to understand the apprehension of many Malaysian youngsters as news broke out. No, you stupid fool. No one wants to serve in the army despite it being a 'pride and joy' and 'honour to serve'. You'd have thought that having made it into the Cabinet this guy would have more sense, but his comments reveal otherwise. Which brings me to a conclusion. An obvious yet seldom said one. Politicians aren't that smart after all. Well, at least not the ones across the Causeway. Don't believe me? Look at their champion of "justice", Dr M. Traveller fell apart at 9:12 PM