May 16, 2005

Learning Contentedness

I think it's only recently that I've begun to realise how fortunate I really am. In life, I think far too often, we find ourselves caught up in the eternal pursuit of wealth and power so much so that we lose sight of the things that we already enjoy. The embrace of a parent, the friendship of a buddy, the warmth of a loved one. So essential to life and yet, so easily overlooked. It's very cliche, I know. The idea that people are always telling us to appreciate the things that we might regret missing out on later on. But isn't it a funny occurence? That despite all the warnings, all the words of caution, we still commit the same mistakes over and over again. In the grand scheme of things, the material possessions we gather are merely droplets of sand in the sandbox we call 'life experiences'. And yet, so much of our attention is perenially focused on acquiring them.

That's not to say I haven't been guilty of that sin. I have, I must admit, looked to solace and comfort from material possessions. I've always wished for a bigger house, a nicer car or a credit card that I can use to buy anything I want with. But I think over the past month, I've begun to really appreciate the people in my life. I've begun to see past their worth and usefulness to me, as I used to do. And you find when you learn to see past people's value to yourself, you begin to truly love and care for them as you ought to. It's strange to think that I've taken 22 years of my life to fully understand this facet of life. Yesterday, when Chung Wei woke up an hour early to prepare a scrumptious breakfast for the household, I really felt like giving him a hug and telling him how much I appreciate what he does. Whenever I have those late night chats with Christian in the living room about life in general, I'm always amazed to realise how simply he sees things and yet how much insight I actually gain from him. In my thoughts, I remember my Mom and how much she would nag me and how I'd resent it but actually be grateful inside (Actually, I still do get a little bit irritated. Heh).

Perhaps being with her has brought out a lighter, more humane side in me I'd never thought was inside of me. Because it's in her that I see that this world isn't all cynical and dread as I once pictured it. And it's in times like these that I see people for who they really are, not what they're worth to me. It's in times like these, that I could not ask for more.

"These are the moments, I know heaven must exist. These are the moments I know all I need is this. I've found all I've waited for, and I could not ask for more."

Traveller fell apart at 12:59 PM

May 07, 2005

Unfamiliar Ground

I've been silent for the past week or so, mostly because...yes, *gasp*, I've run out of inspiration. It's ironic when you think about it and really quite disconcerting. Lately, I've been feeling displaced, lost, caught in a contiguity of bliss and love. Something I've grown used to not having, something I tossed down the bin years ago. The idea of a concept of true love never eluded me, I always believed in it but felt that perhaps I would never deserve such pleasure. To me, I was only fit to live in darkness and solitude, doomed to wallow in the throes of melancholy and solemn contemplation.

Then...she came along.

In the movies, the love of the hero's life comes along and revolutionizes the way he lives. In this case, though, she's totally changed my perspectives and focus. It's strange to think that someone as elitist and proud as me would allow a single person to have such an effect on my way of thinking. But it's happened, and it's a reality as undeniable as God. The feeling of satisfaction and content may be a foreign one to me, but it's one I think I may not be undeserving of after all. And it's something that I intend to cherish for as long as I can.

Jon Bon Jovi - Thank You For Loving Me

It's hard for me to say the things I want to say sometimes
There's no one here but you and me
And that broken old street light
Lock the doors
We'll leave the world outside
All I've got to give to you
Are these five words when I

Thank you for loving me
For being my eyes
When I couldn't see
For parting my lips
When I couldn't breathe
Thank you for loving me
Thank you for loving me

I never knew I had a dream
Until that dream was you
When I look into your eyes
The sky's a different blue
Cross my heart I wear no disguise
If I tried, you'd make believe
That you believed my lies

You pick me up when I fall down
You ring the bell before they count me out
If I was drowning you would part the sea
And risk your own life to rescue me

Lock the doors
We'll leave the world outside
All I've got to give to you
Are these five words when I

That cool autumn night in Carlton, that beautiful night along the Yarra, all the Thursday lunches and study times. Thank you really. Because you've brought out the best in me, something stuffed so deep down I never thought I'd see.

Traveller fell apart at 10:58 AM

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