Melancholic Derivations

April 29, 2005

The Mastermind

Interesting results, really.

INTJ -The Mastermind
You scored 18% I to E, 26% N to S, 95% F to T, and 21% J to P!

You are more introverted than extroverted. You are more intuitive than observant, you are more thinking based than feeling based, and you prefer to have a plan rather than leaving things to chance. Your type is best described by the word "mastermind", which belongs to the larger group called rationals. Only 1% of the population shares your type. You are very strong willed and self-confident. You can hardly rest until you have things settled. You will only adopt ideas and rules if they make sense. You are a great brainstormer and often come up with creative solutions to difficult problems. You are open to new concepts, and often actively seek them out.
As a romantic partner, you can be both fascinating yet demanding. You are not apt to express your emotions, leaving your partner wondering where they are with you. You strongly dislike repeating yourself or listening to the disorganized process of sorting through emotional conflicts. You see your own commitments as self-evident and don't see why you need to repeat something already expressed. You have the most difficulty in admitting your vulnerabilities. You feel the most appreciated when your partner admires the quality of your innovations and when they listen respectfully to your ideas and advice. You need plenty of quiet to explore your interests to the depth that gives you satisfaction.
Your group summary: rationals (NT)
Your type summary: INTJ

Traveller fell apart at 3:33 PM

April 25, 2005

Drops of Jupiter

This is going to be a short post, because how I'm feeling doesn't exactly match the words I can possibly ever conjure up. I'm just fulfilled and feeling blessed all at the same time. It's an experience I can at best describe as life-changing. It's so different this time, and somehow I pray that it will be different every new day as we strive to build a better tomorrow.

Thank you. Really.

Traveller fell apart at 12:01 AM

April 17, 2005

How Do You?

How do you protect yourself from disparaging remarks?

Recall that life in itself is what we make of it. Disparaging remarks may very well be good advice.

How do you shield yourself from backstabbing colleagues?

Understand that in life, no one is infallible. Even your best friends may betray you. Remember that and do not be surprised if it happens. Instead, take precautions.

How do you prevent yourself from being destroyed by the opposite sex?

Learn that life is not all about having a romantic relationship. The world does not revolve around it and most certainly, your life does not.

How do you see the light through a seemingly endless darkness?

Mention to yourself that despite how dark the tunnel seems to be, we must always be on the alert for the lights of an oncoming train.

When depression kicks in on those late, moody nights, how do you beat it?

Come to a consensus with yourself. Understand that you and you alone are responsible for that state of mind you put yourself in. Shake it off. Break the trend. Prevent the melancholy from settling in.

How do you find the courage to tell that special someone about your feelings?

You imagine that the next possible opportunity may be your last and break it to that person in a manner you would find not threatening, even to yourself.

How do you revive a dead inner soul?

I...

I do not have the answers to that, and somehow I fear, I never will. It's over I suppose, the fairytale has ended and the harsh realities of life slap against my cheek as if in mocking haughtiness.

I pick myself up and carry on life's winding path. But somehow, something inside me is dead.

Traveller fell apart at 12:46 AM

April 14, 2005

Falling Like Rain

The winter arrived here in Melbourne today, and announced itself with a huge 9-hour shower. And I think it's in weather like this, that the depression 'demons' really start to manifest themselves. I know I have to stop second-guessing myself and that I have to look straight ahead and focus on what I want. But sometimes, it's so hard because it seems like second-guessing is wired into the circuitry of my character. How then, do you purge yourself of these bad habits without destroying the very essence of who you are? It's tough, and it's something I'm finding out the hard way.

There have, of course, been times when my second guessing has saved me from countless hurts. You know how your intuition seems to tell you things when the shit is going to hit the fan or when the shopping cart is going to spill over? I think I felt that today after the events of this morning. Somehow, somewhere, I feel like it's all going to turn out sour for me again in this tragic game of emotions and feelings. And it's nothing new really. All I fear is that whatever shred of idealism left within me about love will now dissipate into the winds of disappointment. And I will be but an empty shell. Perhaps I was right then, in my speculation about never getting married or finding someone. Because somehow, the good ones ALWAYS get away.

Anthony Callea - Rain

I remember when we met, before I was invisible.
I thought I'd play it hard to get, pretend I'm unapproachable.
But somebody else came along and took all the chances that I missed.
Stuck on the sideline I keep thinking 'there she goes'...

Falling like rain...
No, I don't get to hold her tonight.
Falling like rain...
I was pushed to the back of the line.
'Cause even though I need her love and crave her touch
I guess I wasn't fast enough.
She's falling like rain
Just not for me.
Not for me, no, no...

Why I took the longest road I'll have to plead insanity.
It's like my pride put on a show and didn't sell a single seat.
While I was talking in riddles, somebody else made perfect sense.
Stuck on the outside I keep thinking 'there she goes'...

What do you do, what do you say when the best thing has passed you by?
Where do you go, how do you know, if she'll come back another time?

(She's falling like rain)
Falling like rain...
(She's falling like rain)
Ooh oh oh...
(She's falling like rain)
Falling like rain...
(She's falling)
She's falling...
(She's falling like)
Rain...
(No I dont get to hold her tonight)
Won't get to hold her...
(Falling like rain)
Falling like rain...
(I was pushed to the back of the line)
Pushed to the back of the line.
(Cause even though I need her love)
Need her love...
(and crave her touch)
I guess I wasn't fast enough.
(She's falling like rain)
Just not for me.
She's falling like rain...

It's raining buckets here in Melbourne, but somehow I feel the real storm is the one raging within me now. Sigh.

Traveller fell apart at 2:19 PM

April 11, 2005

Sparks In Tandem

I think the reason for the high number of divorce rates in today's world is the concept of compromise. Too many people fail to set criterias and standards as to what they want from a partner and end up settling for the next best thing that comes along. The result? 20 years down the road, when a younger and seemingly more suitable person comes along, they have an affair which brings the entire marriage crashing down. Suffice to say, settling for second best is an idea which not only hurts your eventual spouse, it's short-changing yourself as well.

Many people ask me why I've set so many criterias and restrictions pertaining to choosing a life partner. It's rather simple, really. In my mind, I've a clear idea of who the person who spends the next 50-60 years of my life with me is going to be like. I know who would suit me and how much they'd complement me. Put simply, I've a clear direction as to where I'm going in life and all I want is a person who'd be there to support me and share my vision. Any compromise on your part at this stage in your life will echo for the rest of your days. It's a grave and important point I want to make. There must be NO compromise in choosing your life partner. Set out with clear goals and character traits you would like and begin looking around selectively.

Of course, there's the risk that you'll eventually meet no one and end up lonely for the rest of your life. But think about it. Would you rather go through a painful divorce or rocky marriage 20 years down the road? Or live your life in bliss, having never known love? It's a tough choice, really. But it's one that might save us years of heartache.

Yesterday, was simply magical. I can't explain it but spending time with her is just so... fulfilling. Not only does she give joy to me, she builds me up mentally and spiritually. For now, I can only hope and pray that she is really the one God has set aside for me.

"Out of the doubt that fills my mind, I somehow find that you and I collide."

Traveller fell apart at 10:29 AM

April 04, 2005

Trickles of Faith

I think often times, the concept of faith has been trivialised to one which is associated with foolish belief or even blind trust. I contest that notion. Faith isn't some quasi-religious ideal that we throw around aimlessly. It's a practical and common thing which we practice everyday. We have faith that the chair we sit in will not break ; we have faith that the cars we travel in will not malfunction and leave us crashing to our deaths. We use faith everyday and that faith is ultimately validated through a process of affirming the authenticity of the object in which we place our faith in. Trust in a reliable person or object and your faith is proven authentic. Place it wrongly in something false and you end up feeling cheated.

Many people nowadays find themselves caught up in a tide of presentism. Gone are the days where people took heed to affairs of the past. People in modern society live in the 'here' and the 'now'. Ask the average person on the street to cite ancient Roman history or Homer's Illiad and you'd be hard pressed to get an answer. The problem lies with technology. Don't get me wrong, I'm not some hippie who advocates going back to the Stone Age. However, the technology which we continue to acquire each passing day seems to validate our values on living in the 'here' and 'now'.

A quick census of opinion would garner a result that the average non-Christian individual would want scientific proof before believing in an Almighty power. And they cannot be faulted. We have been trained to believe only what we see, to place faith in what we can prove scientifically. What these people fail to realise, however, is that certain things just cannot be proven methodically through science. An example? Can you measure up 10kg of love? Can you tip the scales with 25g of hate? Science is not the be all and end all. It cannot be the answer to everything intangible. But yet, just because something cannot be seen or cannot be measured doesn't prove that it doesn't exist.

I think I've been forced to place full faith in God with regards to certain aspects in my life. I am tired, honestly. Tired of manufacturing my own chances and taking things into my own hands. It's weighing me down and bogging my thoughts constantly and I felt that I needed to surrender it all to God. After all, He sees everything and would be in a much better position to make decisions for me. But through this whole experience, I think I've learned something. It's that when you place your trust in Him, you find you are seldom let down. Really.

"Back and forth we sway like branches in a storm, change the weather we're still together when it ends."

Traveller fell apart at 8:11 PM