April 29, 2007

Contused Confusion

If there's one thing that I've been starkly and constantly reminded of, it's that romance is similar to a chess game. There are two players, essentially in the game. They try to guess and second-guess the other person's moves and depending on level of interest, they make moves to counter or to checkmate. I always wished it would be more simple, that things didn't have to be so complicated. But it's a cold hard fact; few things in life are that simple and it makes the fact that the Gospel is a simple message so much more worth cherishing.

Sometimes on the way to school, I look at the sky and scenery around me, take a deep breath and take it all in. My thoughts begin to wander and I see myself 10-20 years down the road with a wife and family, enjoying everything that a family enjoys. But there is this voice within me that tells me that more often than not, especially with regards to me, it's "too good to be true" rather than "happily ever after". I've never wanted to believe that because it would mean that everything in life henceforth would be meaningless. Can a man live that way? A meaningless existence and finding no pleasure in sensory perception. It's scary but it's looming large at the moment.

Fear is a part of every man's existence. It's his bane and yet sometimes, his comfort zone. I don't want that to be part of me, I want to live courageously and yet, I yearn to constantly ask God where my inheritance is. And then I'm reminded of a few phrases from the Bible. Most notable are "Seek ye first the kingdom of God" and "Love is patient". Those are the little bits of wisdom that keep me through this maelstrom of uncertainty and apprehension.

"I was living in the past, but somehow you brought me back. All I'm asking you, is don't write me off just yet."


Traveller fell apart at 11:37 PM

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