March 16, 2007

Salting Old Wounds

You never know when life will throw you a curveball, you really never will. The conversation with S forced much introspection, much deep thought as to how I've been living my life. Ashamedly, I haven't exactly been a model Christian. I've failed one too many times and succumbed to weaknesses I should have overcome a long time ago. 'Demons' which should have been subdued rear their ugly head every now and then, giving way to fear and apprehension as to whether I'd ever escape from the cyclical nature of my own sin.

I need to take a stand. I need to step forward in faith.

All through my life, I've been living mostly for me. It's hard to naturally take consideration of others when you've practically lived your whole life self-absorbed. Times where I should have given heed to how others may have felt, I merely dismissed their concerns. Occasions where I could have shown love and patience, I filled in with callousness and selfishness. Instances where I could have given hope and friendship, I substituted with a judgemental attitude and haughty demeanour. I regret my actions now, and sometimes I fear that I may have realised all of this too late. But the beauty of life is, we always get a second chance to correct the wrongs we've made. Unless of course we're dead.

Repairing relations with people I've held a grudge with for years is a good start. I want to start trying to love all of God's people and to treat them with respect in all that they do. I want to see everyone as an equal, and to appreciate all the little quirks they've been blessed with. I want to try and enjoy time spent with friends, no strings attached. I just want to feel again, and not be stuck in this ivory tower of melancholy. And today I will.

It sounds corny and unbelievable, but I'm done living for me. It's time to start living for Him.


Traveller fell apart at 1:47 AM

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