Melancholic Derivations

March 04, 2007

A Letter To You

Hi,

Being the cautious person I am, I would never allow you to read this. Because what I'm about to detail are things which I hold dear to my heart, things which if insensitively treated, might hurt me. I realise that typing this in a public blog runs contrary to what I seem to want, but that's what I like about the Internet; No one will ever know who you are, and hence, my responsibility is absolved along with that sense of anonymity.

Truth be told, I've enjoyed your company since we first got to know each other. How you always seem to come up with a smile to every tough situation faced, the grace and delicacy with which you handle difficult people in our Bible Study amazes me and leaves me confounded at how so much patience and peace could reside within a single soul of a person. I've never particularly been fond of demure and sweet girls and I think my track record proves that. But somehow, with you, I feel a sense of peace and serenity that I've never felt in my life thus far. Not in these 24 years, no. You make my day whenever we meet, even if it's just for a short while, even for some trivial event; and I'm left grinning like a 13-year-old schoolboy who's just been kissed for the first time every single time.

I can't exactly say when I started having these feelings for you nor can I give an exact recount of the countless beautiful moments which have taken place between us. There were times at Drummond where our eyes would meet from across the room and I'd be scared to death at what to think of that. Whether to deny it in my mind and to tell myself that you were looking elsewhere and not at me or whether to embrace the thought that you might be feeling the same way I feel about you. I'm always looking over your shoulder, hoping in some way to manufacture opportunities to meet until recently when I decided to let God be our matchmaker. In that way, I'd be able to see if any future, possible relationship would be ordained by our Heavenly Father.

You deserve the best person to look after you and to care for you the rest of your life. Make no mistake about that and never short-change yourself. Whether or not I happen to be that person is irrelevant because irregardless of anything ever happening between us, I'd still want the best for you. And so, with that thought in mind, I've left any possibility between us to God. I've been thinking alot about the future recently, about whether I'm going to settle down with anyone at all after attending the weddings of two friends. The thoughts of being alone for life induce fear and apprehension but at the same time, I don't want to compromise on what I know would be best for me. But there is something I'm clear about.

It's that if I were to end up with anyone in the end, I'd want it to be someone who has a soul like yours. And knowing that, I'd be contented forever.

Yours Sincerely,
Joel.

Labels: Thoughts

Traveller fell apart at 12:42 AM


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