December 25, 2006

Christmas Solitude

It's been sometime since the last post, most notably due to a change in schedule owing to my ongoing internship. Suffice to say, the job's been stretching me to the limit, challenging my spontaneity and resourcefulness in ways I could never have envisioned myself accomplishing. The stretching has been part and parcel of the job, and it's become part and parcel of life ideology. The idea that one can stay stagnant and unflinching now becomes a distant, discarded idea. Flexibility and energy become key to survival and success in the job, they become essential and paramount in everyday life. And with work experience, I'm sure it wouldn't hurt my CV either. The only downside to it all is coming back alone at 9pm in the evening; the long, long ride home from the CBD allows room for quiet reflection. And this inevitably invites those all-too-familiar melancholic thoughts.

This Christmas has been a quiet affair for me and the family. The itinerary of a normal Singaporean family would usually include Christmas lunch and party at night, coupled with opening of presents under the Christmas tree, lots of alcohol and plenty of camaraderie. For me, it's been a slightly more low-key affair. Content to stay home filling my evening with Love Actually on TV, it may sound like a really lonely end to Christmas Eve. But deep down I'm content, and I'm enjoying this solitude. Really, I am. Even though Christmas usually means spending time with the people you treasure most, I think in this case, I'm doing just that by staying home with my parents.

I've been inundated with contemplation and a slight apprehension of a future without a partner. But it's all good now. It does become good when you get adjusted to the idea of going through the various stages of your life with only your own emotions and feelings to take heed of. And sometimes in life, it's not just about what SHOULD happen but what DOES happen. Very often, the two don't quite match in outcome and we are left disappointed. But life's like that. Cruel, surprising and unassuming. Conversely, since life is so full of surprises, I may just end up with someone after all.

But it's really not on my priority list for now. So let's just put that thought on the backburner.

"You don't need nobody to make it on your own. You don't need nobody, you'd rather be alone."

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