November 18, 2006
I've blogged alot in the past year about melancholy, solitude and my dark thoughts. It was unavoidable, given the circumstances I found myself caught in; a maelstrom of uncertainty and hurt, washed away in my own grief and already melancholic nature. It hasn't been easy dealing with the issues this past year, but I'm glad to say I've come out stronger than before. I know I've declared myself free of emotional wreckage more times than I care to remember this year, but I can only say that this time I think it's really behind me. I'm joyful deep down, really I am.
Have you ever caught someone's gaze while they're looking dreamy? It's said that when you do, you get a true reflection of that person's soul. Right at that moment. It's amazing what you see when you aren't expecting to, astounding what you feel when you're not willing to. But I think I saw something right at that moment in time, I saw a glimpse of light. Some semblance of hope in an all-too-dreary future. And maybe that's what I need right now, something to kickstart my life back in order.
I'm not afraid to try again, and I hope it's mutual. But that's it, isn't it? I can only hope and pray that God's choice prevails. I'm apprehensive, I admit that. But could you blame me after all that's happened? I'm apprehensive, cautious but I'm not afraid. I want to give it a try, but I've got to know if what I'm feeling is just a figment of my imagination or something concrete. Perhaps you are too, wondering, waiting, hoping. And perhaps we are both doing that same wondering... under the same night sky... right at that granule of sand in the hourglass. Intertwined.
"You give me something that makes me scared alright. This could be nothing, but I'm willing to give it a try. Please give me something, that someday I might know in my heart."
Traveller fell apart at 4:12 AM