November 25, 2006

The Hammer Blow

Tonight's the night. The night I put the final nail in the coffin to any hope of us salvaging anything from the relationship. From December 16th 2005 till now, I'd always secretly harboured silent hopes of us somehow finding the resolve or chemistry to once again mend what's broken down between us. There were nights in secret where I'd try to look on the bright side of things, where somehow I'd think of ways I might show you I was changing. That I was becoming who you wanted me to be.

Perhaps I've been too soft all along, always trying to accommodate your whims and fancies. Perhaps that's the precise reason why it failed all along, not the reasons you suggested were the case. But don't get me wrong, I'm not angry or emotional right now. It's just a silent resolution that I've thought of after these past weeks where I've been given much room and space for introspection. I don't want to hold on to those things that I believe still exist, I don't want to be chained to this prison of emotional stasis at all. I need to be free, free to pursue my own happiness and future stability.

Last night on the way home, I heard this song on the radio and resolved to myself. Tonight was the night I dropped the hammer blow.

The All-American Rejects - It Ends Tonight

Your subtleties
They strangle me
I can’t explain myself at all.
And all that wants
And all that needs
All I don’t want to need at all.

The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it’s best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light,
It ends tonight
It ends tonight.

A falling star
Least I fall alone.
I can’t explain what you can’t explain.
Your finding things that you didn’t know
I look at you with such disdain

The walls start breathing
My minds unweaving
Maybe it’s best you leave me alone.
A weight is lifted
On this evening
I give the final blow.

When darkness turns to light
It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.
Just a little insight will make this right
It’s too late to fight

It ends tonight,
It ends tonight.

Now I’m on my own side
It’s better than being on your side
It’s my fault when your blind
It’s better that I see it through your eyes

All these thoughts locked inside

Now you’re the first to know.

A weight is lifted on this evening, I give the final blow.

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