Melancholic Derivations

September 02, 2006

Cloudy Insides

I think I've learnt quite a few things over the past few days. It's been tumultuous and at the same time, really enriching. Certain events which I didn't expect to take place, took place. And to say that I was left bewildered by them would be an understatement. But the disappointment has subsided, because I realise it's nothing new to be disappointed in life. It's really just part and parcel, something which makes life what it is. And in the end, life still goes on...and on.

I think I haven't been truly happy for awhile now. The times I've said I'm happy have been instances of false contentment. Flickers of sunshine slipping through the cracks in my universe, if you will. What constitutes happiness then? It's the feeling you get in your heart that you couldn't wish for anything better, that things are perfect the way they are. Although in our limited scope of vision as humans, that kind of happiness seems self-delusional. But, I'm sure I've felt that sort of happiness before sometime ago. Not too long ago in fact. But somehow it's been gone this year, leaving the inside a hollow, empty shell with which to contend with every morning when I get out of bed.

I'm grateful for friends around me who constantly try to tell me to cheer up. It's comforting to know that people around do care about how you're feeling. But the cynic in me says that when it comes to the crunch, the true friends I have are few and far between. And it is often this cynic in me which controls my actions and mindset, so excuse me for feeling the hopelessness in more than half the friendships I have.

They say when Spring comes the mood lifts too, the sunshine flooding in the heart and the birds chirping filling the ear drums with sweet sounds. Then how come it's still cloudy inside? I want to know.

"我受了重伤, 离开只是种疗方. 放手逃离伤心的海岸, 遗憾的是没找到麻木的药方."

Traveller fell apart at 2:22 PM


	Now Spinning Heroes Theme - Heroes Soundtrack The Protagonist joel \| content \| driven \| focused \| motive-oriented \| cynical \| analytical \| God-fearing \| jaded \| Frequent Reads Ben Christie Christine Davina Eugene Jasmine Jeremy Jo-ann Kay-Lene Mac Tammy Vivek Past Rants January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 Tap My Shoulder		September 02, 2006 Cloudy Insides I think I've learnt quite a few things over the past few days. It's been tumultuous and at the same time, really enriching. Certain events which I didn't expect to take place, took place. And to say that I was left bewildered by them would be an understatement. But the disappointment has subsided, because I realise it's nothing new to be disappointed in life. It's really just part and parcel, something which makes life what it is. And in the end, life still goes on...and on. I think I haven't been truly happy for awhile now. The times I've said I'm happy have been instances of false contentment. Flickers of sunshine slipping through the cracks in my universe, if you will. What constitutes happiness then? It's the feeling you get in your heart that you couldn't wish for anything better, that things are perfect the way they are. Although in our limited scope of vision as humans, that kind of happiness seems self-delusional. But, I'm sure I've felt that sort of happiness before sometime ago. Not too long ago in fact. But somehow it's been gone this year, leaving the inside a hollow, empty shell with which to contend with every morning when I get out of bed. I'm grateful for friends around me who constantly try to tell me to cheer up. It's comforting to know that people around do care about how you're feeling. But the cynic in me says that when it comes to the crunch, the true friends I have are few and far between. And it is often this cynic in me which controls my actions and mindset, so excuse me for feeling the hopelessness in more than half the friendships I have. They say when Spring comes the mood lifts too, the sunshine flooding in the heart and the birds chirping filling the ear drums with sweet sounds. Then how come it's still cloudy inside? I want to know. "我受了重伤, 离开只是种疗方. 放手逃离伤心的海岸, 遗憾的是没找到麻木的药方." Traveller fell apart at 2:22 PM