Melancholic Derivations

May 28, 2006

The Light At The End

To say it's been a tumultuous few months since December would be an understatement. Some things are hard to take especially when you put so much faith and hope in them, and they leave you with crumbs at the end. Fear, depression, anxiety, sadness all flashed through my mind at one point or another. Somehow, I feared I would never recover, that life would never be the same, that deep down I was irreversibly scarred.

And those fears have been unfounded.

I think I'm beginning to see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. That tomorrow and the future isn't quite so bleak just because I was hurt emotionally. But I think I've taken a few lessons from this ordeal and with those in mind, I'm sure I'll emerge wiser and more resilient. If there's something I will always remember, it's that the feeling that the person you're with is in love with someone else from their past is the most absolute worst feeling in the world and I would never wish it on anyone else. I may have no evidence to back my claims, but not everything can be proven purely on evidence. Gut feel, as flimsy as it sounds, can sometimes prove to be the difference between truth and deception. And in this case, I choose to trust what I feel deep down in my gut.

Why should I remain down in the dumps because of something that's gone? Why should I beat myself up over something which although may have been my mistake, was compounded by an inability to forgive? Why should time and my life and my emotions stand still for an unreachable conclusion? No more, Joel of the past, wallowing in his past memories and sins has disappeared. There is no point in doing so, no conceivable value, no intrinsic reward to be garnered from doing so. And hence, I will no longer do so.

I will be proven right, I'm quite sure of it. I'll watch and wait and see. Not that it matters anymore, but just so I'll have the opportunity to say 'I told you so'.

"Like a pawn, I've been used and abused. But they say your sins often return to haunt you, I hope they do."

Traveller fell apart at 2:52 AM


	Now Spinning Heroes Theme - Heroes Soundtrack The Protagonist joel \| content \| driven \| focused \| motive-oriented \| cynical \| analytical \| God-fearing \| jaded \| Frequent Reads Ben Christie Christine Davina Eugene Jasmine Jeremy Jo-ann Kay-Lene Mac Tammy Vivek Past Rants January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 Tap My Shoulder		May 28, 2006 The Light At The End To say it's been a tumultuous few months since December would be an understatement. Some things are hard to take especially when you put so much faith and hope in them, and they leave you with crumbs at the end. Fear, depression, anxiety, sadness all flashed through my mind at one point or another. Somehow, I feared I would never recover, that life would never be the same, that deep down I was irreversibly scarred. And those fears have been unfounded. I think I'm beginning to see the proverbial light at the end of the tunnel. That tomorrow and the future isn't quite so bleak just because I was hurt emotionally. But I think I've taken a few lessons from this ordeal and with those in mind, I'm sure I'll emerge wiser and more resilient. If there's something I will always remember, it's that the feeling that the person you're with is in love with someone else from their past is the most absolute worst feeling in the world and I would never wish it on anyone else. I may have no evidence to back my claims, but not everything can be proven purely on evidence. Gut feel, as flimsy as it sounds, can sometimes prove to be the difference between truth and deception. And in this case, I choose to trust what I feel deep down in my gut. Why should I remain down in the dumps because of something that's gone? Why should I beat myself up over something which although may have been my mistake, was compounded by an inability to forgive? Why should time and my life and my emotions stand still for an unreachable conclusion? No more, Joel of the past, wallowing in his past memories and sins has disappeared. There is no point in doing so, no conceivable value, no intrinsic reward to be garnered from doing so. And hence, I will no longer do so. I will be proven right, I'm quite sure of it. I'll watch and wait and see. Not that it matters anymore, but just so I'll have the opportunity to say 'I told you so'. "Like a pawn, I've been used and abused. But they say your sins often return to haunt you, I hope they do." Traveller fell apart at 2:52 AM