Melancholic Derivations

April 07, 2006

After All

After the jolting shock, comes the disbelief. And after disbelief, comes the complete denial. The denial, however, cannot merely linger. It must also give way to immense grief, which then translates into sorrow. Sorrow, as an emotion, must also become pensiveness and quiet acceptance. And finally, after everything has come and past...then comes....apathy.

Apathy. Such a big word, yet it means nothing. A total disregard for everything, everyone. Can a man be pushed into this realm? Yes, perhaps it is possible. If pushed hard enough and hurt deep enough, everything is possible within this life. Even complete apathy. Complete disregard. Yet, I try not to make that mistake, not to allow the grief to devour me. But this is a situation in which the mistake is not mine to make. It is a situation in which the circumstances control my emotions, my feelings. Yet, am I weak? Or merely exercising my humanity?

Apathy. It also means a weariness. A tiredness to bother about what will come, what has past and what occurs in the present. That's not to say I've given up on life. Quite the contrary. I'm determined to learn from my mistakes and move on in life stronger and wiser than before. But inevitably, the regrets will flow and sometimes at night, so will the tears.

Apathy. You've set in.

Traveller fell apart at 12:12 AM


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