March 11, 2006

Life Goes On

It's been a week in which I've been looking for bearing, for purpose and direction in this life suddenly seeming so void. Lectures, tutorials, labs all whizzed past me in a flash; not that I didn't catch what the lecturer was saying. I did, and in fact, I've been doing my tutorials and lecture preparations steadfastly. SAM interview, OCF events, assignments, they're all part and parcel of life now. They're all I look forward to and have. And perhaps, in a way, it's a good thing.

Alot of things flash through my mind on the way to school every morning, and seemingly, they've become therapy walks; catharsis, if you will. The glaring morning sun however, gives way to darker thoughts within the recesses of mind. Can loneliness ever be overcome? We come into this world and leave it alone. Yes, relatives and loved ones keep vigil by bedside, hoping in some way to ease the burden of death. And yet, their presence only serves to exacerbate the pain, the loss that is felt by the dying person. In birth, parents hold their child up in glee and anticipation but fail to realise the painful existence they've brought it into. And when it's all said and done, everyone arrives and leaves as a single entity. Even salvation is decided on an individual basis. So what's there to say that loneliness isn't ultimately what everyone's born into?

But perhaps I'm the only person who's decided and 'enlightened' myself to this true nature of our existence. Or perhaps I'm the deluded one, living in a chain of self-mutilation. Whatever it is, this left sure feels right.

"Happiness and joy are but fleeting sensations of the heart. Yet, sadness and despair leave the deepest of scars."

Traveller fell apart at 12:15 AM

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