June 27, 2005

Solitary Confinement

The exams ended last Tuesday, and with an unfamiliar tinge to it. You see, I'm used to feeling doubtful and regretful about what I did with regards to the papers themselves. It's not quite rare that I underachieve in examinations, I slump to bottomless pits and try desperately to console myself that I'd study harder the next time round. Not this time round though. I'm feeling strangely relieved and light after these exams. And for once, I'm actually feeling excited about getting back my results next month. It's this peace within me that I can't explain, that I know I did quite decently for these examinations. I can only pray that this over-confidence doesn't kill me with arrogant pomp.

The post-examinations break has been a quiet one so far. Due to unexpected developments, I find myself unable to spend these first few days of the winter holidays with her, something which I figure I'm going to have to learn to deal with. Chungwei, Jonathan and Christian have been busying themselves with outings and such while I have largely cooped myself up at home, content to read or bang away on the PlayStation 2 that Ron left at our place. It's in times like these that I get tempted to think and contemplate. Times where the air is so silent and still at home that you feel almost suffocated by the silence. And in some sick twisted way, I find myself telling myself that this is not so bad. That I've lived pretty much in solitude all these years and a few more days in it wouldn't kill me. I can only hope that sanity doesn't desert me one of these days.

I've also found myself a job working at Phil's bakery for the winter holidays. I think working there has taught me a couple of things about life which I never realised. Firstly, I've learnt that money is really something which is earned and not given. All those cold nights in the bakery and the tough work kneading the dough and placing the bread into the ovens, sometimes seriously tries my patience. But I persevere, because I know that it's part of character building. It's a process in which I gain independence and work for my own keep. It's tiring definitely, but also supremely satisfying knowing that you're earning your own money and can choose to spend it however you wish. All in all, I'm just grateful for the chance to earn some extra pocket money these holidays and at the same time, learn life lessons from 'guru' Phil. Heh.

These holidays will be a time of silent reflection and contemplation. And somehow, I feel it's so much better than going out to the city everyday and spending money. Because at least this way, you store up treasures for yourself in the future.

Traveller fell apart at 10:32 AM

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