Melancholic Derivations

June 27, 2005

Solitary Confinement

The exams ended last Tuesday, and with an unfamiliar tinge to it. You see, I'm used to feeling doubtful and regretful about what I did with regards to the papers themselves. It's not quite rare that I underachieve in examinations, I slump to bottomless pits and try desperately to console myself that I'd study harder the next time round. Not this time round though. I'm feeling strangely relieved and light after these exams. And for once, I'm actually feeling excited about getting back my results next month. It's this peace within me that I can't explain, that I know I did quite decently for these examinations. I can only pray that this over-confidence doesn't kill me with arrogant pomp.

The post-examinations break has been a quiet one so far. Due to unexpected developments, I find myself unable to spend these first few days of the winter holidays with her, something which I figure I'm going to have to learn to deal with. Chungwei, Jonathan and Christian have been busying themselves with outings and such while I have largely cooped myself up at home, content to read or bang away on the PlayStation 2 that Ron left at our place. It's in times like these that I get tempted to think and contemplate. Times where the air is so silent and still at home that you feel almost suffocated by the silence. And in some sick twisted way, I find myself telling myself that this is not so bad. That I've lived pretty much in solitude all these years and a few more days in it wouldn't kill me. I can only hope that sanity doesn't desert me one of these days.

I've also found myself a job working at Phil's bakery for the winter holidays. I think working there has taught me a couple of things about life which I never realised. Firstly, I've learnt that money is really something which is earned and not given. All those cold nights in the bakery and the tough work kneading the dough and placing the bread into the ovens, sometimes seriously tries my patience. But I persevere, because I know that it's part of character building. It's a process in which I gain independence and work for my own keep. It's tiring definitely, but also supremely satisfying knowing that you're earning your own money and can choose to spend it however you wish. All in all, I'm just grateful for the chance to earn some extra pocket money these holidays and at the same time, learn life lessons from 'guru' Phil. Heh.

These holidays will be a time of silent reflection and contemplation. And somehow, I feel it's so much better than going out to the city everyday and spending money. Because at least this way, you store up treasures for yourself in the future.

Traveller fell apart at 10:32 AM


	Now Spinning Heroes Theme - Heroes Soundtrack The Protagonist joel \| content \| driven \| focused \| motive-oriented \| cynical \| analytical \| God-fearing \| jaded \| Frequent Reads Ben Christie Christine Davina Eugene Jasmine Jeremy Jo-ann Kay-Lene Mac Tammy Vivek Past Rants January 2004 February 2004 March 2004 April 2004 May 2004 June 2004 July 2004 August 2004 September 2004 October 2004 November 2004 December 2004 January 2005 February 2005 March 2005 April 2005 May 2005 June 2005 July 2005 August 2005 September 2005 October 2005 November 2005 December 2005 January 2006 February 2006 March 2006 April 2006 May 2006 June 2006 July 2006 August 2006 September 2006 October 2006 November 2006 December 2006 January 2007 February 2007 March 2007 April 2007 May 2007 June 2007 July 2007 August 2007 September 2007 October 2007 November 2007 Tap My Shoulder		June 27, 2005 Solitary Confinement The exams ended last Tuesday, and with an unfamiliar tinge to it. You see, I'm used to feeling doubtful and regretful about what I did with regards to the papers themselves. It's not quite rare that I underachieve in examinations, I slump to bottomless pits and try desperately to console myself that I'd study harder the next time round. Not this time round though. I'm feeling strangely relieved and light after these exams. And for once, I'm actually feeling excited about getting back my results next month. It's this peace within me that I can't explain, that I know I did quite decently for these examinations. I can only pray that this over-confidence doesn't kill me with arrogant pomp. The post-examinations break has been a quiet one so far. Due to unexpected developments, I find myself unable to spend these first few days of the winter holidays with her, something which I figure I'm going to have to learn to deal with. Chungwei, Jonathan and Christian have been busying themselves with outings and such while I have largely cooped myself up at home, content to read or bang away on the PlayStation 2 that Ron left at our place. It's in times like these that I get tempted to think and contemplate. Times where the air is so silent and still at home that you feel almost suffocated by the silence. And in some sick twisted way, I find myself telling myself that this is not so bad. That I've lived pretty much in solitude all these years and a few more days in it wouldn't kill me. I can only hope that sanity doesn't desert me one of these days. I've also found myself a job working at Phil's bakery for the winter holidays. I think working there has taught me a couple of things about life which I never realised. Firstly, I've learnt that money is really something which is earned and not given. All those cold nights in the bakery and the tough work kneading the dough and placing the bread into the ovens, sometimes seriously tries my patience. But I persevere, because I know that it's part of character building. It's a process in which I gain independence and work for my own keep. It's tiring definitely, but also supremely satisfying knowing that you're earning your own money and can choose to spend it however you wish. All in all, I'm just grateful for the chance to earn some extra pocket money these holidays and at the same time, learn life lessons from 'guru' Phil. Heh. These holidays will be a time of silent reflection and contemplation. And somehow, I feel it's so much better than going out to the city everyday and spending money. Because at least this way, you store up treasures for yourself in the future. Traveller fell apart at 10:32 AM