June 02, 2005
I've been silent for the past two weeks, not out of choice but due to pure necessity. The exams for Semester 1 are around the corner, and it's due to my newly imbued spirit of excellence that I've come to mugging as hard as I can. It's strange really, I would have thought that in this atmosphere everything would seem stressed and tensed up, but the fact of the matter is that it hasn't been. Things have been smooth sailing, almost too smooth sailing to be true and there are times when I stop to wonder when this will all end, when the cycle of unhappiness will return to haunt. But there's this sense of silent confidence, that from now on, whatever hits me I will be able to handle. All because of you.
The coming winter has brought mostly dark and gloomy skies to Melbourne. Nights have been beginning at 5.30pm and even daylight hours don't bring the expected sunshine to the place. It's really no wonder that winter suicide rates are always the highest throughout the year when it seems that hell literally freezes over. But I think it's all subjective. You choose what to make of your own reality. It doesn't determine how you live life and it most certainly won't determine how you choose to die.
I think I've learnt a lesson in life with regards to faith over the last week. Faith without works is really....just a word. There's no point professing about your faith in something if you aren't willing to show it through deeds. There's no point telling people about your tremendous faith if when it comes to the crunch, you high-tail it and run. Faith is a dirty word to many people, because they feel it involves being naive and trusting. I don't agree. Faith, to me, represents strength and courage. Strength, because of the required inner stability to trust in something you know you can only hope for and not ascertain. Courage, because there's a chance that your faith might fail you and subconsciously, you know you're going to have to muster it in order to forgive and move on. Faith is also important in a relationship, really it is. Without faith and trust, a relationship is really just a companionship.
And that is why I have faith in us. Really, I do.
"It's not that we're scared, it's just that it's delicate."
Traveller fell apart at 9:45 AM