April 14, 2005

Falling Like Rain

The winter arrived here in Melbourne today, and announced itself with a huge 9-hour shower. And I think it's in weather like this, that the depression 'demons' really start to manifest themselves. I know I have to stop second-guessing myself and that I have to look straight ahead and focus on what I want. But sometimes, it's so hard because it seems like second-guessing is wired into the circuitry of my character. How then, do you purge yourself of these bad habits without destroying the very essence of who you are? It's tough, and it's something I'm finding out the hard way.

There have, of course, been times when my second guessing has saved me from countless hurts. You know how your intuition seems to tell you things when the shit is going to hit the fan or when the shopping cart is going to spill over? I think I felt that today after the events of this morning. Somehow, somewhere, I feel like it's all going to turn out sour for me again in this tragic game of emotions and feelings. And it's nothing new really. All I fear is that whatever shred of idealism left within me about love will now dissipate into the winds of disappointment. And I will be but an empty shell. Perhaps I was right then, in my speculation about never getting married or finding someone. Because somehow, the good ones ALWAYS get away.

Anthony Callea - Rain

I remember when we met, before I was invisible.
I thought I'd play it hard to get, pretend I'm unapproachable.
But somebody else came along and took all the chances that I missed.
Stuck on the sideline I keep thinking 'there she goes'...

Falling like rain...
No, I don't get to hold her tonight.
Falling like rain...
I was pushed to the back of the line.
'Cause even though I need her love and crave her touch
I guess I wasn't fast enough.
She's falling like rain
Just not for me.
Not for me, no, no...

Why I took the longest road I'll have to plead insanity.
It's like my pride put on a show and didn't sell a single seat.
While I was talking in riddles, somebody else made perfect sense.
Stuck on the outside I keep thinking 'there she goes'...

What do you do, what do you say when the best thing has passed you by?
Where do you go, how do you know, if she'll come back another time?

(She's falling like rain)
Falling like rain...
(She's falling like rain)
Ooh oh oh...
(She's falling like rain)
Falling like rain...
(She's falling)
She's falling...
(She's falling like)
(No I dont get to hold her tonight)
Won't get to hold her...
(Falling like rain)
Falling like rain...
(I was pushed to the back of the line)
Pushed to the back of the line.
(Cause even though I need her love)
Need her love...
(and crave her touch)
I guess I wasn't fast enough.
(She's falling like rain)
Just not for me.
She's falling like rain...

It's raining buckets here in Melbourne, but somehow I feel the real storm is the one raging within me now. Sigh.

Traveller fell apart at 2:19 PM

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