March 11, 2005
Of Mice And Women
Put it down to Aussie inefficiency that I've been unable to come online for the past three weeks. It's disconcerting really, when it takes 7 working days to connect a simple phone line and another 7 working days to get an order for ADSL processed. Makes you wonder how things in this country actually get done, do you? I know, I know, I'm being harsh. They take things easy, they like to live a stress-free life Down Under. But seriously, hailing from 'busy-bee' Singapore, their lethargy is something you cannot live with. Anyhow, it's all been settled, and here I am blogging away in my new house.
Things have been hectic since I touched down, what with having to shop for furniture for my new room. Thankfully, by the time I got back, the household amenities were more or less settled by capable housemate, Chung Wei. I've found that the new neighbourhood is pretty much a quiet and peaceful one. Slow jogs around it raise no alarm bells to danger, street lights are pretty decent and to top it off, most of the people I know are actually just one or two streets down from my place.
I've been thinking about certain issues, about friendship and romance ; how the two don't exactly mix. See, the problem is, when a guy and a girl get too close as friends, its inevitable that one of them begins to have feelings for the other. How do you approach a situation like that then? Do you confess to those feelings and run the risk of awkwardness everytime you meet? Or do you hide it silently in the throes of your heart hoping that somehow it goes away by itself? I'm in a dilemma and it's a dilemma I'd much rather not have. It's something which hits right home and leaves me vulnerable, and vulnerability is an emotion I'd rather not possess.
When it comes to the crunch, I think I've pretty much come to a resolution. It's unlikely that I'll ever get married, and here's why. When it comes to women, I've always had a penchant for good looks and great characters. Even if I met the nicest woman in the world, it still wouldn't be enough to tip my scales if she wasn't pleasant looking enough for me. So here's the thing. I have high taste in terms of how I define pleasant looking. What I define as pleasant looking is defined as gorgeous for the majority. But yet, I admit that I'm not such a fine specimen of the male species myself. So then, if women that I want are unlikely to consider me, that leaves me no choice but to settle for second best, right? Wrong. Because if you settle for something you deem second best in your heart, you're going to be unhappy. Maybe not for the first 10 years, but ultimately, that feeling is going to rear its ugly head. And when it does, there will be hell to pay. So if I'm unwilling to short-change myself by settling for second best, and the women I deem suitable are unlikely to choose me, that pretty much leaves me....alone.
But somehow, I feel that loneliness is how I'd rather feel, than settling for second best.
"Sometimes I wish someone out there would find me. Till then...I walk alone."
Traveller fell apart at 3:11 PM