January 18, 2005

The Raw Truth

After watching the movie Closer, I begin to realise my own inadequacies in terms of experience at relationships. As I was viewing the complicated transpiration of a four-way love "square" of cheating, lying and longing, I asked myself questions like why love wasn't a simpler affair. Couldn't a man just love ONE woman and stay faithful to her all his life? Why do people have to long for another and stray from people who they're really meant for the moment someone momentarily more interesting comes along? If only it were that simple. Life isn't just about black and white situations, and like everything else in relationships, there always appear grey areas in situations where we find ourselves immensely embroiled in. Unfortunately for me, this grey area in relationships hasn't been something I've been able to experience first-hand. I haven't been through rough rides in most of my relationships, I haven't seen the ugly side of people in my partners and for the most part, I'm considered an 'infant' in terms of experience in dealing with affairs of the heart.

But what is this driving force which leaves people unsatisfied even when they seem to have the most beautiful of romances? I believe it's an emotion called excitement. There's a tinge of excitement in getting together with someone new, in finding out their perks and little secrets. There's a flood of emotion in knowing that you're doing something which will draw dire consequences if you're caught. Then there's the fact that once the initial enthusiasm of a relationship wears down, you end up wanting to seek excitement in order to rejuvenate it. And if you don't find it in your partner, you end up searching for it in someone else. Perhaps that's why most people find it easy to succumb to the cheating bug, precisely because they've lost that initial spark of excitement. But of course, I'm inexperienced remember? So what I say now might not actually count for much.

There's a saying which goes "The wise learn through the pain and experiences of others". I am tempted though, to conclude that the statement is flawed. Because some things in life you cannot experience and truly learn from unless it is self-inflicted. You've got to actually experience the emotions for yourself and see what it feels like before you learn from it. For example, you'll never learn how it is to climb a mountain unless you personally make a trip up to Mount Everest. So that's it with life. Some things you learn through the experiences of others, and some things you learn through your own pain, blood, sweat and tears. Relationships are one of them. You learn through the betrayals, heartbreaks, selfishness and lies. You learn through the love, emotion, feeling and happiness.

The only consequence of learning through this method though, is the jaded vigour we bring to our final relationship. Do we really want to be less than 100% for our eventual spouses? I don't know anymore. I'm too inexperienced as I say and all I can do, is to watch and learn.

"And so it is, just like you said it would be."

Traveller fell apart at 12:22 AM

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