January 14, 2005

The Ice Thaws.

I think I've begun shedding some of the more cynical and cold attitudes which have been plaguing me for much of my post-adolescent years. It's odd to think that a person like me may once have been more cheerful, more forgiving and definitely more hopeful when looking to the future. Those hopes which I carried with me slowly but surely withered into broken ones as the tide of cynicism which stemmed from disappointment began to wash me over, carrying away all the hopes I had ; not quite unlike the recent tsunami's effect on the lives of over 500,000 people. Perhaps it's time to get a new perspective on life, one which doesn't involve distrust and suspicion. A new perspective, a new attitude for 2005 and hopefully, a new direction for my life. But I dare not hope for too much because as we've seen too many times, resolutions made at the beginning of the year are hardly followed through simply due to sheer unenthusiasm or purely, laziness. Ahh, but there's the cynic in me speaking again.

I've begun to start watching Singapore's soccer team in the Tiger Cup this year. After the last Tiger Cup debacle where Singapore were thrashed 0-4 at the Kallang Stadium by the Malaysians, it had seemed an impending reality ; our national team was just not good enough and would never stand to make our dreams of qualifying for the World Cup in 2020 come true. It's funny to think how a change in management and player attitudes has taken our national team so far. We've qualified from our relatively tough group stages in style, we've taken on the tough, bruising Myanmese at their own game and came out victorious and the national team even had the audacity to go straight to the heart of Indonesia for the first leg and to carve out a victory in front of an 80,000 partisan home crowd. It's not surprising then, that the performances from the Lions this year have given renewed hope to fair-weather fans who had previously condemned the entire team to obscurity in the ASEAN region. So on Sunday night, those of you who do show up at the Kallang Stadium to renew the long-forgotten Kallang roar, please show up with hope in your hearts. I will be there, with my hope tucked safely in my heart and my heart worn proudly on my chest.

Other events in my life have also provided the need for much hope with regards to seemingly impossible situations. And I've reached a conclusion. I'd rather dedicate a small amount of hope to this seemingly impossible but yet, unique situation rather than live my life forever in a cold pit of isolation and apathy. The saying "It is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all" is true then, because what you've experienced only makes you wiser and stronger and some things you can never learn solely through the experiences of others. I don't want to hope for too much, but somewhere inside that seemingly cold exterior, a part of me cries out for solidarity in the midst of this seemingly hopeless situation. And I've decided for once, to accede to the requests from this little part of me. To hope, and run the risk again.

Even if I do get these hopes dashed, even if Singapore is thrashed on Sunday by a rampant Indonesia, even if what I hope for doesn't materialise ; it will be fine. Because the way I see it, this is my catharsis. A way my soul and inner self can recover from the years of built up frustration and angst against the world and my circumstances. Hope. Indeed a powerful thing when used in the right dosage.

"Comin' down the world turned over, and angels fall without you there. And I go on as you get colder, or are you someone else's prayer?"

Traveller fell apart at 6:46 PM

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