October 05, 2004

I just realised that despite having their heavy metal, bad-boy image, Staind actually writes some really good songs. Luck would have it that I would be scrolling through someone else's music collection when I came across his collection of Staind. "Epiphany", "Fade", "So Far Away" are just some of the excellent titles which Staind boasts but the one which resonated heavily within me was "Outside". My fingers trembled as the last sinews of guitar play trailed off into silence and I reached for the repeat button.

I knew it. This song characterised some bad memories I had of the past. I'm not blaming anyone, nor am I accusing or lamenting my fate. I just... This is getting hard to even type as my fingers seem to have gained a life of their own. As I listened to the song, horrid nightmarish scenes of my life flashed before my eyes as the arteries in the whites began to bulge and swell. Yes, I nearly cried. I nearly passed out from the pain. It is a pain which I carry and continue to soldier on with despite the increasing difficulty. It is a pain I sling upon my shoulder which grips onto me with claw-like talons, sinking deep into my flesh of emotions. It is a pain which has come to taste sweet after it has numbed my sensation to pain. I am a freak of nature surely. Someone who loves misery and covets melancholy. Someone who despises happiness and attacks joy. Oh, I want to change. And only He can do that. So I'm praying an earnest prayer tonight. Change me, Lord.

Staind - Outside

And you,
You bring me to my knees, again,
All the times
That I could beg you please, in vain,
All the times
That I felt insecure, for you
And I leave
My burdens at the door


Chorus:
But I'm on the outside
I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
Cause inside you're ugly
You're ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you


All the times that I felt like this won't end
Its for you
And I taste what I could never have
It was from you
All the times that I've cried
My intentions, full of pride
But I waste more time than anyone


Chorus:
But I'm on the outside
And I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
Cause inside you're ugly
You're ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you


All the times that I've cried
All this wasted, it's all inside
And I feel, all this pain
I stuffed it down, it's back again
And I lie, here in bed
All alone, I can't mend
But I feel
Tomorrow will be ok


Chorus:
But I'm on the outside
And I'm looking in
I can see through you
See your true colors
Cause inside you're ugly
You're ugly like me
I can see through you
See to the real you


I'm on the outside. Indeed I am.


Traveller fell apart at 11:13 PM


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