Melancholic Derivations

September 05, 2004

Today's service at church was wonderful. It touched my heart in more ways than one and on several occasions, I had to stop the tears from flowing. Today was a Father's Day celebration and although I don't normally get this emotional during Father's Day, I did this time. Firstly, there was the beautiful song written by Adrian which totally moved me. It went something like "What kind of a man would do that for me? Work long hours and still be there for me". It was then that I had to admit that I miss Dad terribly. Yes, I know I've been through this many times. I constantly write in my blog that I miss my father and that I wish he were still here to see me grow, get married and be a grandfather. But the fact remains unchanged, he is gone. He won't ever see his grandchildren nor give me a pat on the back on my wedding day. But there was something I realised. Dad had never left me, he's been here all along, kept within me. Trying to guide my path and hoping that I continue on the path he set for me before he died. And at that moment, I smiled to myself and felt this warm aura engulf me. Perhaps it was Dad, perhaps it was God. It felt as if the years of darkness which built up a wall around my soul were being melted by the rays of light and warmth coming from around me. It was magical. Heavenly even.

Then a member of the church (shan't name her) went to the podium and shared with us a testimony of her life before she came to Christ. Her story really moved me and demonstrated to me how God can really love one so steeped in sin and hatred. And I got down to thinking, how my life has been filled in so much dread, darkness and sin. If there is hope for her, surely there is hope for me. Some glimmer at least. For this dark, nether soul entrapped within me.

One thing's for sure, I'm troubled. Today's message resounded very very deeply within me. I need to ponder over this.

Traveller fell apart at 2:05 PM


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