March 09, 2004

The waters of doubt have receded at camp in these recent days as my time in the SAF comes to a grinding halt. Today happened to be Joseph's last day in our camp due to his new posting at 1st Commandos and we had some sort of a party in our office. Pizza, drinks and jokes were the main delight of the day but none more so than what Joseph had to say. When he told me that God had probably placed him in my path briefly for a reason, I'm sure I believed him totally. When he explained to me what God had planned for me and what I lacked, I felt my insides cringe. You see, I really wanted to believe him and to take everything in, confess my sins and just throw myself into God's arms. Yet, there was an unseen force holding me back. Something telling me that to do so would be intellectual suicide and putting all my years of hard work and knowledge gathering down the drain.

When telling him about how I was as a child, I actually felt awkward. Awkward because I suddenly remembered what it felt like to be carefree and enthusiastic, without a doubt or cynic view in mind. Joseph has that uncanny ability to see through your soul and as he so aptly put it, "the eyes are the windows to the soul". I was extremely affected by what he said and sat silent for most of the day.

My problem isn't that I lack trust in the Bible or God. It isn't that I am wilfully going against all that God has said. I just need that boot up my arse, that push to do so. And you know the saying that God works in mysterious ways? Stephanie messaged me and asked me to download a song from Jaci Velasquez, bringing to mind this song.

Jaci Velasquez - You

Who makes
The sun light up my shadows
When the darkness tries to follow me?
Who makes
The air that brings me life
So I can breathe the love that's given to me?

You make ev'rything good,
Ev'rything wonderful.
You grace my days
And heaven fills my view.
Let's forever sing.
You make ev'rything pure,
Ev'rything beautiful.
You make me see the only thing that's true:
It's You,
It's You.

Who makes
The waters of my sorrow part
And leads the gladness into my heart?
Who makes
The rivers run that wash away
And clean my soul to make a new start?

You make ev'rything good,
Ev'rything wonderful.
You grace my days
And heaven fills my view.
Let's forever sing.
You make ev'rything pure,
Ev'rything beautiful.
You make me see the only thing that's true:
It's You.

You hung the moon;
You placed the stars that shine Your love for me.
I hope all that I do
Will show reflections of You.
All I do, all for You, shine Your love through me.

You make ev'rything good,
Ev'rything wonderful.
You grace my days
And heaven fills my view.
Let's forever sing.
You make ev'rything pure,
Ev'rything beautiful.
You make me see the only thing that's true,
It's You, it's You, it's You.
You're ev'rything pure and beautiful.


Traveller fell apart at 10:04 PM


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