March 14, 2004
I've finally caught the highly recommended show "Big Fish" via the Internet ; that is to say the illegal way of course. Far from being boring as most people, including my mother, would have seen it, I would say it has been one which has had the most impact on my life this year. Big Fish talks about finding out who your parents really were and are, about how they've had an impact on your life whether positive or negative, how you'll really miss them when they're gone. Pity I never had a chance to tell Dad goodbye. I'd have so much to tell him at that point in time, how I owed my childhood to him and so much more. But today, I asked myself the question whether I really knew who my Dad was. In many ways, Edward Bloom reminded me of Dad ; the jokes, the humourous demeanour, the wild imagination and most of all, the immense love he carried with him for his family and friends. Dad had told me many stories about his childhood which seemed incredulous at the time but seem all so real and vivid now. And regardless of whether they were true, what I'd give to hear them all from him once more.
Speaking about my childhood, Mom asked whether I'd like to try my hand at playing the piano once more. Me and this musical instrument go way back to the days when I was a budding adolescent, struggling to find my place in a seemingly expanding world. The piano was the only thing I found constant in life ; the keys, the placement of notes, the chords. Everything. Out of sheer laziness I'd dropped it, hoping to have made more time for the other things I deemed important. At that point in time, Dad told me I would regret it and true enough, I do now. The other things which had seemed so important to me at that time now seem to just fade into the background. If only I hadn't gone on my wilful instincts and discontinued my lessons. And now, picking up the skill all over again at my age, just seems so difficult. And my Mom claims I have a pianist's fingers. Sheesh.
Something tells me that I have alot more to learn in the world out there. So much more that Dad shielded me from.
Traveller fell apart at 7:10 PM